Time for the traditional year-end review for 2015? Haha maybe not quite yet… Although 2015 is coming to an end, the year hasn’t really felt quite over yet, so the year-end will have to wait a little while longer haha.
Nothing much has happened in this December which is supposed to be my ‘turn around’ period after many months of screw ups and what ifs before. I spent my first week completing my first (of 10) army reservist cycles! Nothing much to add onto that; except that it turned out much better than I expected. Had much fear regarding IPPT and range; I was so scared of the possibility of me ND-ing and getting charged LOL, but both of that went smoothly so all is well. It was our first cycle so it was really quite a chill week back in camp. My body clock got completely screwed though, as I start waking up at actual proper timings and this led to me spending my afternoons sleeping again if I had nothing on. Ugh….
After coming back to civilization, I was left with 2 weeks before flying off. During these 2 weeks, I have been spending 4 days a week going back to school for practice; and I do not complain about this. I’m always amazed by the fact on how my idea of spending holidays have changed over the years. My holiday plans have been very simple this year; just eat sleep dance meet people watch show. That’s it LOL, no trying of completing something or learning anything new, but I’m satisfied with how I spent this holiday. (less the hibernation haha) Sadly this year, there isn’t this excitement feeling that’s always there when I go overseas. No idea why since I’m usually really happy to fly away from this small island. Partially it’s because I will be missing many people and also important practices leading up to concert. Everyone’s so busy with their own holiday plans that meetups even during holidays can be hard. Now I totally understand why friendships start to drift apart in university; people simply just don’t have the time. It’s not solely because they don’t want to, priorities changes and it just happens.
Back to dance, my confidence took a slight hit recently, with mistakes I already know for myself getting pointed out. This can be detrimental when you want your own morale to be going up all the way till concert, but very thankful for the super patient and encouraging JJ who really helped me out through countless times of drilling. Also shout out to my other namja seniors in CMB, I really feel bad to be overseas during showcase, especially during such an important period; just hoping all goes well for showcase. Another aspect that I am worried is that I will get rusty due to the lack of practice when I’m overseas. Although I have done these songs for months already, a short inactive period of 2 weeks can really kill you. If it does happen, I only have 3 weeks to regain back momentum, which is not a whole long period.
One of our recent practices… the atmosphere really felt like 3 OGLs and 7 freshies in a camp LOL. Had a real good chat with a ‘senior senior’, and it felt warm and fuzzy to know that someone acknowledges the effort we put in for the juniors. Along with the new ‘excuses’ meme HAHA, all this kind of small talk with people outside of your normal clique make me realize that there are really nice people out there, if you do try and talk to them. Too bad I’m the type to really never start a conversation, small baby steps but every time I do try it just ends up as awkward. Massive improvement from the past me who would NEVER talk at all. The constant exposure to new people in university has really sort of forced me to talk more and I have been more comfortable around people, but at times I do want to just hide back into my own bubble.
University has continued to be a period of self-discovery. I got my motivation and groove back only towards the end of the semester. A little too late? Of course it sucks that my results took a slight impact, but i shan’t dwell on it and move on. The faster I get over things, the better it is for me. This simple rule really is something I live by and try to convey to others; allow yourself to be sad and emo for at most a few days, learn from what went wrong as life continues. Everything is really a learning process, no one gets it right away in their first try. After concert ends, there’s really no more excuses that I should be giving to myself anymore in the area of academics. If I see myself regretting over another semester of where I could have done better, I should really give myself a good beating lols.
Beside I felt that my circle of friends shrink so much, but only by that did I realize who were the ones who really mattered. Some left, some drifted, some strengthened, some re-entered; all within the span of months. I have come to learn that years of friendship can crumble so quickly in this phase of life, while there are some who I have seem to know them like forever. If I was given the chance to rewind back the year and start over, of course there will be things that I would have done differently. But that’s the past, and the present is what matters. The present… I’m contented with how things are right now, and I wouldn’t change a thing.