Winter Story

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Time for the traditional year-end review for 2015? Haha maybe not quite yet… Although 2015 is coming to an end, the year hasn’t really felt quite over yet, so the year-end will have to wait a little while longer haha.

Nothing much has happened in this December which is supposed to be my ‘turn around’ period after many months of screw ups and what ifs before. I spent my first week completing my first (of 10) army reservist cycles! Nothing much to add onto that; except that it turned out much better than I expected. Had much fear regarding IPPT and range; I was so scared of the possibility of me ND-ing and getting charged LOL, but both of that went smoothly so all is well. It was our first cycle so it was really quite a chill week back in camp. My body clock got completely screwed though, as I start waking up at actual proper timings and this led to me spending my afternoons sleeping again if I had nothing on. Ugh….

After coming back to civilization, I was left with 2 weeks before flying off. During these 2 weeks, I have been spending 4 days a week going back to school for practice; and I do not complain about this. I’m always amazed by the fact on how my idea of spending holidays have changed over the years. My holiday plans have been very simple this year; just eat sleep dance meet people watch show. That’s it LOL, no trying of completing something or learning anything new, but I’m satisfied with how I spent this holiday. (less the hibernation haha) Sadly this year, there isn’t this excitement feeling that’s always there when I go overseas. No idea why since I’m usually really happy to fly away from this small island. Partially it’s because I will be missing many people and also important practices leading up to concert. Everyone’s so busy with their own holiday plans that meetups even during holidays can be hard. Now I totally understand why friendships start to drift apart in university; people simply just don’t have the time. It’s not solely because they don’t want to, priorities changes and it just happens.

Back to dance, my confidence took a slight hit recently, with mistakes I already know for myself getting pointed out. This can be detrimental when you want  your own morale to be going up all the way till concert, but very thankful for the super patient and encouraging JJ who really helped me out through countless times of drilling. Also shout out to my other namja seniors in CMB, I really feel bad to be overseas during showcase, especially during such an important period; just hoping all goes well for showcase. Another aspect that I am worried is that I will get rusty due to the lack of practice when I’m overseas. Although I have done these songs for months already, a short inactive period of 2 weeks can really kill you. If it does happen, I only have 3 weeks to regain back momentum, which is not a whole long period.

One of our recent practices… the atmosphere really felt like 3 OGLs and 7 freshies in a camp LOL. Had a real good chat with a ‘senior senior’, and it felt warm and fuzzy to know that someone acknowledges the effort we put in for the juniors. Along with the new ‘excuses’ meme HAHA, all this kind of small talk with people outside of your normal clique make me realize that there are really nice people out there, if you do try and talk to them. Too bad I’m the type to really never start a conversation, small baby steps but every time I do try it just ends up as awkward. Massive improvement from the past me who would NEVER talk at all. The constant exposure to new people in university has really sort of forced me to talk more and I have been more comfortable around people, but at times I do want to just hide back into my own bubble.

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University has continued to be a period of self-discovery. I got my motivation and groove back only towards the end of the semester. A little too late? Of course it sucks that my results took a slight impact, but i shan’t dwell on it and move on. The faster I get over things, the better it is for me. This simple rule really is something I live by and try to convey to others; allow yourself to be sad and emo for at most a few days, learn from what went wrong as life continues. Everything is really a learning process, no one gets it right away in their first try. After concert ends, there’s really no more excuses that I should be giving to myself anymore in the area of academics. If I see myself regretting over another semester of where I could have done better, I should really give myself a good beating lols.

Beside I felt that my circle of friends shrink so much, but only by that did I realize who were the ones who really mattered. Some left, some drifted, some strengthened, some re-entered; all within the span of months. I have come to learn that years of friendship can crumble so quickly in this phase of life, while there are some who I have seem to know them like forever. If I was given the chance to rewind back the year and start over, of course there will be things that I would have done differently. But that’s the past, and the present is what matters. The present… I’m contented with how things are right now, and I wouldn’t change a thing. 

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to more happy moments like this~

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Saying Hello to December, Goodbye to 2015

http://thoughtcatalog.com/rania-naim/2015/12/16-things-you-should-say-goodbye-to-in-2016/

Inspiration for the title for this post! Usually I will take out a few lines and quote it here, but many of the the things felt applicable for this year so I shall leave it as it is. Goodbye 2015… well not quite yet; in WordPress the falling of snow signifies the last month of the year. Instead of trying to recalling what went right or wrong for the past 11 months, I rather ignore the past for now and just look towards the remaining days in 2015.

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just in time for a comeback yays!

December 2 2015 7pm, end of the last paper for the semester; Goodbye Year 2 Sem 1. I really didn’t put in as such effort as before academically, so the taste and feeling of liberation wasn’t as fulfilling as before. End of finals is still the end of a semester, so I had a simple dinner plus dessert with a few of my classmates. The original AG got divided for this semester and we took opposite basket of modules. I was on the minority side, so the group of classmates whom I interacted with were much smaller. It didn’t make much of a difference to be honest, except for the BFF who really felt distant at few points of time during the semester. Nonetheless, I’m still glad I could have both of the BFFs together a few times despite our own commitments.

Despite the lack of sleep, I still stayed up late right after coming home and slept in till the next day. The shiokness of sleeping in without any worry… ^^ The lupsup gang went to K’s house to watch MAMA together! It wasn’t as exciting as I hoped it to be, but it was cute to see glimpses of everyone’s fanboy/fangirl moments. I have a lot more to say about this group of chingus but there isn’t a need to put it here hahas. These are the people who I’ve seen the most in school, so rather than a catch up it felt more like just another get together as always.

Went to school the next afternoon to eat Hwangs with the Korean 2 classmates! Along the way I saw one of my GENUS seniors, whom instantly asked me why I left. It was a little weird telling him how I chose another CCA over another, but he was understanding and had a good short conversation with him. There are indeed nice people in the CCA, but unfortunately I didn’t get to interact with all of them? Going back to lunch, we wanted to go to a nicer place, but one of the classmates had to meet her professor regarding her FYP so we just decided to eat in school. It was really coincidence that we just became table mates for the whole semester, it all started when I went into my first lesson alone and we had to do some class activity. We had to say our phone numbers in Korean so naturally I just went to the people closest to me and ended up sticking with them for the whole semester! They all seem sad as it’s their final year in NUS, so time for me to treasure my years in NUS instead of ranting? Despite the academic pressure, trust me I’m enjoying my university life thus far so now complains for now!

Looking slightly awkward (as usual) :D

Looking slightly awkward (as usual) 😀

I was originally going to drink in school during that evening, but despite a personal invite I decided to decline. Sometimes, you just have to trust your gut feeling. The original plan was to slack at home but had a last minute jio to sing K so I decided to go for it. There were only 3 of us, so I sang much more than I usually did normally, which felt slightly weird but more fun I guess? 🙂 Found out I had 2 friends who lived 2 blocks from each other lol! Had a short midnight ranting/HTHT/whatever you call it session , which definitely wasn’t part of the plan as well but again it was just one of those impulsive decisions which I didn’t regret making hahas.

Friday evening was XLB buffet with the army guys whom I haven’t seen for a damn long time. Before that, I went on a run and starved myself for the day by only eating breakfast. Not the most healthy lifestyle, but I have to keep the stomach for all the XLBs. We were going back for reservist the following week so the meetup was quite random, but nonetheless it was great to see the people who made up a good three quarters of my NS life. We went to the exact same buffet before, and funnily nothing really has changed from our pigging ways. Went to Vivo afterwards to chill before we went our separate ways. (and reuniting in a few days HAHA)

Saturday was back to Dance day! I was really forward to going back to practice as concert day approaches. Did our new song and we had YY and C join us, so we had a full roster for the song! Felt so bad for our dance omma who did a 5 member version formation, only for it to go to waste. >.< Always happy with productive sessions, as things get more serious but fun along the way as well! Had discussions regarding teasers and concepts, so I’m slightly sad that I couldn’t be there for concert preparation all the way and have 3 weeks gone from my winter holidays this time. The big senior joined us like finally on a Saturday, and he finally gave a treat to us (with his second paycheck hahas). I felt kinda bad for him because most of the group were focusing on playing Heartstone =.=”, so it ended up more of me just engaging him and updating him on the latest happenings. Gentle reminders all the time to give your fullest attention to others, always. Slightly lost track of time, as I headed to the north-east side for late night ice cream & waffles, so sinful but the company made up for it hahas ^_^

Nothing much for Sunday as it was my rest day at home, and I went back to school again on Monday for practice. There were only 4 of us dominating the whole dance studio, and yet another productive session and I was glad that many of my mistakes were pointed out so I really have a big room for improvement! It’s a little disheartening to know that I still have many mistakes with concert now being less than 2 months away, so it’s time to buck up and really give it my all during practices.

Another one of those “I just want to pen down my current thoughts” kind of post, the past week really felt like the happiest days of 2015: Spending time doing the things I love, with the people who matter. Sometimes happiness can be as simple as that. Another random incident where I had someone I know asked me who I was referring to in a particular post. So to those reading and wondering who these people are, sorry but you don’t have to know because this ultimately is a space for myself. So it’s not time yet to say goodbye to 2015, and let’s make the best out of the rest of December! 😀

“Heartache’s been my middle name
I never wanna feel this way again
So I’m asking for a change”