When M said that she lost more friends than gained new ones during exchange; I didn’t believe her at all, until it really happened to yours truly. You see the world, try out new things, meet new people, visit amazing places, but after 5 months it’s all over. Exchange really was a life changing experience; not because of the travelling but also the numerous takeaways I had throughout the whole journey, and even after the time since I came back. Wrote bits and pieces here and there throughout the month, but I felt that I should only close this small chapter only after valuation finals #priorities. 4 more to go, 1 coming up on Saturday with no cheat sheet in sight sobs. This is going to be a rant-heavy post, but I feel that it would be healthier that I let it all go so that I can start the holidays with a clean state.
I haven’t been prioritising my studies at all this semester; and it feels like going through exchange left a breath of fresh air into my life. Now only with a year remaining as a student, you really start to think about how you want to spend this precious time before heading into the cruel cold corporate world. Spending time alone during exchange taught me the strength to be independent, while travelling alone taught me that I was capable of so much more. The outlook towards the remaining time in university has totally flipped; as it has become one which came to the realisation that you shouldn’t waste their emotions and time towards meaningless things and just go for it. No more being a people-pleaser; no more getting hurt; no more feeling sorry.
It was very convenient to point the finger and blame others for the emptiness felt, but you realise that it doesn’t solve the problem. Instead of wallowing in self-pity, it has been a spiritual search towards the people I want to keep in my life and the little things I want to achieve and work towards. I have reached the stage where I have come to terms that people will walk out of my life, and I should stop chasing them and let it be. Remember those who are there for you when you needed help the most, it’s all about gratitude and appreciation.
You realise how much of an idiot you are to care so much about others when the opposite doesn’t happen. This same feeling has happened too oh so too many times, but the excuses kept coming and you just keep hoping. Hoping that some good will come out; but it doesn’t happen and you don’t learn from it, so the cycle happens again. Yes I’m sick and getting hurt by shitty ass people, and I have given others and myself enough chances. The feeling of self-guilt, getting disappointed and sadness comes towards breaking off some of these relationships, but give yourself a pat on the back because you’re brave enough to get away from the toxicity and stop the bleeding. Please call me the new-age sensitive guy HAHAHA
In spite of the terrible academic aspect and losing of friends, this semester have been filled with small pockets of gratitude. Things happen. Fate really plays you in a very funny way, when many things didn’t seem to work out, blessings in disguise appear naturally instead. I won’t go into details but thank you to you and you, the 2 of you, the 3 of you, and lastly the 5 of you (This part is meant for myself, so don’t come ask me who they are HAHA). At the meantime, can’t wait for post-finals to come already. Truly blessed and fortunate enough to have an internship; hoping to learn even more than the previous one last year and of course get that coveted provisional offer. Just praying that I don’t get dispatched to weird places like Tuas or Woodlands T.T. Till then, it’s deja vu because it is save the semester from total failure mode now.
Let’s walk back down the road to happiness.
Dance should be fun and revisited in the most simplest way. Dance to express, not to impress. Always keep to an open mind and remember why you started in the first place. Never be scared, never say you cannot do it.