Introspect

School’s out, hello recess week! I was intending to do a post of different content, but I decided to do another update on my everyday life because it felt more appropriate. Half of my Year 1 Semester 2 is gone already oh my tian! Seriously university has this magic of eating time so fast. I really have so much to talk about, and it feels like so many things have happened over this short period of time. Take it as a continuation of the previous post, since the things I want to talk about hasn’t changed and I’m still following the same format.

#kdtEXO

#kdtEXO

Keep calm & #KDTthrowback 2015

The first major event for Year 1 Sem 2!! For those who don’t know what that means, it’s KDT’s first concert which I was part of. The concert had an interesting back story to it; the seniors weren’t satisfied with how one of their external performances turned out. The concert meant a lot to the seniors, since for the Year 3s it would most likely be their last chance to perform. University is the last place for us to try out new things out of our comfort zone, and throwback presented me this perfect opportunity. Shoutout to J who stuck along with me through our months of learning dance together. It was especially tough for the 2 of us who were complete noobs and forever lagging behind. I have always been a slow learner, and dance is no exception. It was depressing to see the seniors being able to dish out song after song while you’re there struggling with a single song. Reminder to self: Being bad at something shouldn’t be an excuse of not trying, and I am thankful to be given a chance to try out such a thing without being (largely) judged by my ability to dance.

As said in my insta post, this whole journey has been a huge step out of my comfort zone, but one that I am glad to have taken. I performed a grand total of 1 song LOL, but that single song gave me hell for the past month leading up to the concert. My first weeks were just dance, dance and dance, and it was the start of me lagging behind in my work. Of course, the forever procrastinating me told myself that I would catch up in work. If I were to sacrifice my ‘studying’ time for something else, I really wished it to be fruitful as possible. Maybe it’s too early to make judgments, so instead of hoping that this whole thing isn’t a waste of my time, just enjoy the whole process. 🙂

The concert itself wasn’t a big event, it was held at UTown Audi 2 on a Sunday evening. It really felt like us just putting up a performance for our friends. I would have been happy if at least ONE of my friends went for it. Yes, I’m so easily pleased right, just one. I know a lot of my friends don’t listen to kpop, so I didn’t bothered them as I didn’t want to force them to watch. Naturally, I just asked those who do enjoy kpop. Excluding my sister, i have 3 guests for the evening! I know I said this already to you 3, still I’m going to repeat myself again: it really meant a lot that someone I knew came, and even brought me some presents awwwww :’). jeongmal gomawo chingu.

the crew

The crew

I don’t have much to say since I only did 1 song, all the juniors were nervous since it was our first performance on a big stage. Although I have been on stage before, performing a music piece is totally different from a dance item. Usually, I’ll let my instrument do the talking and I always have something or someone in front of me; be it a music stand, a drum set or me sitting in the middle of the ensemble. With dance, it’s your body which is your mode of expression, and the feeling of vulnerability comes in because you’re facing the crowd ‘bare’. In the end, it wasn’t our best performance, but one that we would be proud of. The cheers at the end of our song… you just can’t help but think “Yays I did it.” Seeing the video of myself perform, so cringe-worthy omgosh… Seeing the facial expressions of the seniors, they were either really into their performances and for me, I looked totally blank and had the feel of “please don’t screw up, please don’t screw up jaebal”. It still boiled down to confidence and how much practice was put in. I really want to be able to present a more confident-self if I was given another chance, but since it’s my first time ever I’ll be contended with just surviving LOL.

You could say this is the start to many beautiful memories that I hope to make in university. It is heartwarming to know that instead of giving up on us, the seniors went all in with us and we were able to pull off the whole song, when it could have been easily dropped. It was no doubt an arduous journey, so is it worth another round? #kdtthrowback 2016? Quoting A, this was our first performance and it’ll just get better from here. We shall see hahaha 🙂

 

The Bass Family

The Bass Family

GENUS – #3weekstonextconcert

And with the end of Throwback, it was 6 weeks to Guitar Concert (and now 3 by the time this post comes out). As school resumed and weekly practices resumed, I started to settle down into GENUS. Things got slightly better as it was getting less awkward during practices when I got to know my section mates a bit more. However, with the difficulty of the piece and the high commitment levels, one by one, more juniors left or dropped out of concert. To be honest, I don’t blame these people, as people like me who have guitar ensemble background are struggling as well. Maybe I’m an anomaly since everyone else who was in guitar ensemble before well LOL. Okays I could have been easily one of those who dropped out as well, can you imagine the free time I suddenly I would have had now? To be honest, I have no idea why I stuck around, I blame it on my stubborn life principles that won’t allow me to quit something halfway unless necessary.

As reported in my earlier post, I was summoned to probation auditions. There were some seniors who were forced to go for auditions as well, but it was more for formality sake as these seniors came back from exchange and did not pass ‘attendance requirements’. The seniors who came back wasted no time with the new pieces and were able to play it fluently. The pace for probation auditions were much slower, but at that time I still struggled to hit all the notes. Miraculously I PASSED, and the normal practices resumed. I got requested to play the percussion for one of the songs, and percussion players have to come at 930am to practice… *vomits blood*. That makes my Saturday a 9-6 day *faints*, my point on why I continued on in this CCA remains a mystery.

Then there was the actual concert auditions. After the auditions, we were summoned and the thing they did to some of us juniors… it made me lose all respect to the cca to be honest. I don’t want to go into details, but it was just a fucking dirty ass move. All I can comment is that it could have been conducted in a much better method. The whole group dynamics wasn’t as good as I imagined. Cliques were inevitably formed, and the senior-junior hierarchy gap was obvious. Unlike KDT, these seniors outside CCA were still seniors and not someone who you could just hang out normally as a friend. especially when selection for EXCO were coming soon. I gave a straight 1 (1-10, with 1 being the least interested) for my interest in GENUS EXCO. I did consider taking it seriously because I stood a good chance given my background, but to be honest I had close to zero interest in it. Yes it would have looked good on my resume, but was it worth slogging a year in something you didn’t have passion in?

Again, I don’t have high expectations for audience turnout, I would be happy if ONE person came. Classical music is something I don’t expect many to appreciate, and I wouldn’t want to force my friends to sit through something they don’t enjoy. Ticket prices are also quite expensive, so much opportunity cost incurred just to support someone hor… For now it’s still the same: do the concert well and we’ll see from there.

 

Filming for Project XOXO!

Filming for Project XOXO!

NBC – Slavedriver Incoming

I really talked a lot for my 2 CCAs LOL. Technically,  I shouldn’t have much to talk about this since the actual camp is so far away. There were a few short meetings among the Publicity Committee to settle some camp matters. Business efficiency indeed, and it was the beginning of the slavedriven route.

My first major job for NBC was actually a side project called Project XOXO, which was a fundraiser by the Bizad Club for the Freshmen Orientation Projects (FOPs). Being the person-in-charge for videos, I was approached to film a series of videos to publicize the project. It was mostly me and my boss KE tanking the work, and yes shoutout to S for coming to help in terms of manpower. What I envisioned for the video is totally different from the end product, so I just go with the flow and did my best with whatever material I have. The first video is another thing in this semester which gave me hell; 4 hours of filming, plus more time spent filtering videos, and brainstorming to fit what the upper people wanted. I swear I spent a minimum of 15 hours to edit a freaking 2 min video, and not to mention that 3 of my Wednesdays (which is my free day btw) were burnt. And this was all midst the preparation for throwback. It really was just shag during that period: I would reach home at 12 midnight after dance practice and edit the videos till 4-5am. And again schoolwork was being ignored, it could have been far worse if not for KE helping to edit the entire 2nd video when it was supposedly my job. 고마워요 It really lightened the burden during that busy period.

No major screw ups during the whole filming process, although I believed it could have gone much smoother but all is well. It wasn’t my best work, but one which I’m satisfied with (If you’re interested in watching it, its the 3 part series called ONE, TWO, THREE on the Bizad YT page haha) It was my first time making a video and this was a reminder how time consuming it could be. What makes it heartwarming was that KE and Mr PD-nim acknowledged my hard work. Small actions like these really go a long way, trust me. 🙂 However, I feel like there is still a distance among all of us, the feel where we aren’t friends outside of work. Let’s just hope it gets better with time ay, I already have 2 days worth of dry runs during recess week #moretimeburnt

 

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And everything else…

It’s very clear that I have been ignoring my studies, and with how things seem now the situation may not improve. The modules this semester is just sian… shows how important having interest in whatever you’re going to study is. Seeing many people transferred course over the break made me rethink whether I made the correct decision of staying in Accountancy. I figured that I would still complaining about something if I did transfer to Maths and I didn’t have this thought until I was faced with the semester’s modules. As boring and sickening these modules are, I still have to do my best if I want to put myself in a good position for exchange. The goals for the semester hasn’t differ, just do my best and enjoy the whole student life.

It has becoming increasingly lonely in school these days, and it’s wide and clear that I have no part in my class. I was eternally busy with my external activities, but again if I really bothered about them I would have tried to make time, which I didn’t. I really went back to my own bubble, going somewhere else after lessons to be alone and strangely, I feel at zen not having anyone around me. That doesn’t mean that I have no friends alright, maybe I’m too selective when it comes to that. Whatever it is, I’m contended with how things are going now. Well of course things could have been much better, but quoting someone again: “In life, you’ll wish you made more mistakes.”. Y1S2 Round 2 let’s go!

 

And Taeyeon with black hair = totally love. Solo artist debut soon please Taengoo!

P.S. These few weeks have been emotionally draining for more than 1 reason that I haven’t mentioned. Don’t want to go into this just yet, but you… To think I waited till almost midnight just for you that day… 나 미치겠다… 헐~!

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