Only One Way – Up

“Always relax. If you are chilled and relaxed no one and nothing out there will ever disturb you, let it be distractions, worries, mistakes or just silly moments. When you are not relaxed you are just like a ticking time bomb; a dynamite waiting to go off, so get out and love your life no matter how much shit is going on, calm down because panicking is not going to get it better.”

Just a reminder to tell myself to keep calm in the midst of all the stress, and yes le me thought of the above quote HAHAHA. Another quick post because I am totally in no mood to some studying LOL. 4 papers down, 1 more to go. I won’t go on how I fucked up each module haha.  To be honest, I felt like I could have done so much better for my finals, maybe that’s why I feel so disappointed and at the same time frustrated at myself. And this was supposedly the easier basket; can’t imagine myself in Biz Comm and Marketing next semester. I really want to write and share something happy here, but its more and more negative posts being written here. And here I am, telling all of my friends to be more optimistic and inject some positivity in their lives when I am not doing so myself. It’s really true that we always see the negative sides of things. When a kid gets 99 marks for his test, nowadays people only take note of the 1 mark where the kid lost. New motto included into my list: Always look on the bright side of life.

Me & my cheat sheet! (forgive the eye bags T.T)

Me & my cheat sheet! (forgive the eye bags T.T)

It really felt like desperation mode as the finals approached. It wasn’t supposed to be this way, especially when I gave myself a heads up to start revision. I only started doing my summary notes 1 week before finals when it was supposed to be done months ago. I was still unclear of basic concepts and only figuring them out as the finals approach. I finished my cheat sheet for my GEM 1 hour before the actual paper; really living on an edge with my current work ethics. I was very tempted to just caffeinate myself everyday and burn the midnight oil to cover my work, but in the end I didn’t want to spoil my body just for the sake of studying. I studied way harder back during As; I blame technology for being unproductive LOL. Maybe I should just leave my phone at home when I go outside to mug. I seriously, jinjja really need to take a good look at my style of mugging because my current style is far from good. Still, shout out to all my study buddies over the past 2 weeks who made the studying more tolerable! 😀

The most important takeaway I got from university so far is that I am much more than my CAP. In some sense, I feel like there is a small streak in color in my university life; the same streak of color I wished I had back during my secondary school days. I would say the best takeaway from Dunman High was the 4F guys, and I’m starting to wonder if there would be one from university. But forever DEJA VU I swear, as I am starting to shut myself out from the class, kind of like what I did in 24. I start to realize that I am of different frequencies from most of them, partially because this is self-induced since I’m not even trying. Aside from S, JQ, L and maybe JY plus MW, I can dare say I spoke less than 10 sentences (other than work) to the rest of the people in my class. That’s how pathetic of a situation I am in LOL. I only came to this realization when I went to 2 of my fellow classmates’ birthday celebrations. The same group of people which I thought I was closest to from all the camps that I attended, now seem like a distance away. That single outing probably put a confirmation stamp on how I hate to be in large groups. You could call it a phobia though; and the list of insecurities goes on. Maybe I need to do a shuffle of priorities and goals too, as well as some deep self-reflection on what I really want from the 3/4 years I spent here in NUS. Hahas forgive me please from the emo-ing, I was really hurt when the class celebrated several birthdays this month, all except for mines :(((, and the words from a particular someone didn’t help at all. HAIYO NEGATIVITE THOUGHTS SHOOOO GO AWAY, let’s move on.

Expect a reflection post, and also standard new year resolutions post soon enough. (I’m glad I am posting here more often!) In addition also some proper classification for my posts! Given how many posts are being backlogged, I don’t think I will do any travel posts regarding my trip to Korea back in May :(. I’ll probably condense O’week to a post or two, and for Union Camp, I’ll wrap up the last 2 days together. Last paper on Saturday, Korea in a week. Here’s to the happiness in December as the year 2014 comes to a close. Again the title of the post is a reference to a song yet again hahas, I really need to think of more original titles.

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P.S. I think Tiffany is slowly creeping up my bias list HAHA. I only recently found out this cover and omg love love love <3! *fanboys*

So don’t you worry, baby you got me
I got a bad boy, I must admit it
You got my heart, don’t know how you did it
And I don’t care who sees it babe
I don’t want to hide the way I feel when you’re next to me

Fireflies

"If ten million fireflies, lit up the world as I fell asleep"

“If ten million fireflies, lit up the world as I fell asleep”

My posts have been too long and delayed so this is my attempt in doing a short 1 day post! Maybe I’ll start having a new category name for my short doodles as well.

Quick update time! End of Sem 1 Week 12. Life has been too like a routine for the past few weeks. Study, eat, go back home all tired, sleep. wake up, travel again, study. Rinse and repeat. It’s really feeling like deja vu all over again, where I burned myself out before A levels even started. Okay I’m definitely not mugging as hard as before, but the motivation is nowhere to be find. Finals are approaching and I haven’t even started on my revisions, having to spend time on other projects and I can’t even keep up with the current workload already. DIE DIE DIE ME bleh. After lessons today, I hid myself in a secluded seminar room and just let my mind drift: the daunting past which forever comes back to haunt you; and the future which you have no idea what to expect. I was never really in the mood to do work, even though work has been piling up. What was supposed to be a comparing of answers with JQ ended up totally different.. yeah it sort of become a mini HTHT (yes how random). It wasn’t the longest HTHT session, and somehow it ended up me emo-ing more instead LOL. Normally I don’t reveal so much of myself, even to people close to me, and the feel wasn’t really there either. My perception of HTHT always involves it being past midnight and some form of alcohol is involved. It felt better to talk to someone instead of always ranting it here though :P. And now I’m at some Starbucks doing more thinking: this time only about the present. Don’t let the past grab hold of you and why worry over things that haven’t happen?

This brings me to the title of post, Fireflies! Why fireflies? Well, they are a symbol of hope, energy, patience, aspiration and inspiration: All things which I desperately need. I will do a reflection of the whole semester probably on December so this will do for now. Again, I really hate that I think so much grrrr. Let go, let loose and let’s do this shit! Till then, stay strong Nick the end is near, the fucking holidays await me! Oh yeah before I forget, last month I hit 20,000 views on this WordPress. Okay actually there’s nothing much to celebrate about LOL, but to commemorate I decided to do an extra 10 facts about myself, so here goes!

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over 800 visitors for October!!

10 EXTRA FACTS ABOUT ME

1) I have a WordPress! Quite a number of people I know in real life don’t even know of its existence. It’s sort of both a private and public place for me to rant and share any random thoughts and stories.

2) Reading this blog made me realize how much I have changed, and mostly for the better. ^_^ and also how much more insecure and naggy I have been LOL #foreverrantingmodeon

3) Still, one bad change is that I became really vulgar both online here and real life LOL. I’m trying my best to cut down on the profanities but not much progress have been made.

4) I used to be an INFP before recently I did the test again and it came out ISFJ. Not sure what it implies, still as introverted as ever.

5) I’m too socially awkward. Many times I feel suffocated in large groups and I can go hours sitting there not uttering a single word. (and this is why I REALLY REALLY appreciate people that talk to me first hehe)

6) but in front of my friends I can be a total chatterbox! If I can converse with you without any awkwardness, it means I’m comfortable with you! (which is kinda rare tbh HAHA) 😀

7) I really like to HTHT and it’s always interesting to hear stories from other people. Everyone has gone through their own ups and downs, and each of these are unique in its own way. It sorts of bond people closer as well since you are sharing secret stories which you don’t normally share on a normal basis. (so freaking coincidence haha please..)

8) I wished I worked harder during my first 4 years in Dunman High, and conversely not work so hard during my last 2 years in Dunman High. But I’m totally cool with my journey in DHS because I met really awesome people here (whom some sadly have drifted)

9) My sister is really a carbon copy of me when it comes to traits and personality. We are both introverted ttm; we both suck at languages but excel in math and sciences. And we both have our own secret WordPress that we constantly rant/emo on HAHA. The list goes on and on, trust me.

10) And we have come to an agreement that some of my sister’s female hormones ended up in me WHOOPS. I’n forever getting judged having a selfie stick and a polaroid, and me decorating my room walls with photos and polaroids… MUST YOU BE A GIRL TO DO SUCH THINGS TSK!

And a bonus fact, because I wanted an 11th fact because Seohyun’s jersey number is 11 HAHA (fanboy side expose once again)

11) I’m missing someone…

OKAY CUT! 

 

Cause everything is never as it seems, when I fall asleep