Tranquility

too young, too dumb to realise…

P.S. To friends who want to read my previous post about dance, drop me a message and I will pm you the password. The post isn’t meant for everyone to read (more of a self-reflection) so those who read it, hope you find it a meaningful post.

Week 8 of internship; as I’m now at the end of June (and it’s Seohyun’s birthday HAHAHA, excuse the fanboy) and the last weeks of this short journey. The countdown always feels faster once you go past the halfway mark. Getting used to the mundane yet exhausting work-life balance, as it leads to much rethinking about future plans in life. Indebted towards whatever lucky stars and guardian angels that are continuing to shine on me as I have been plotted to good assignments (as it always can be much worse). Got hopped around many engagements so I didn’t get to build much relations with the seniors I worked with, so I would sadly expect not to get a PO from the company. Nonetheless, I’m glad to get a taste of how working for a Big 4 company feels like, and office politics are inevitable as there are some who will try to step over you. The motivation and drive (sorry for my lack of vocabulary) that was present at the beginning vanquished completely, as I wonder after going through a second audit internship; is audit the career path that I really want to go?

It has been quite a while since release of results, but I’m still getting onto terms with fucking up my previous semester. Reality stinks and I have to face the fact that I fucked up, so the mood hasn’t been great recently. I thought I had a direction in life to get me back on track again, but now it feels like I’m going through the motion of everyday life. I’m referring to myself just doing the regular things in life (work, eat, dance, meet, talk) and not really doing much thinking about what I really want.  Promotion list for seniors in the company got released publicly recently, and J use the analogy of our own results being released in public and being able to see which people drop class as a comparison. Feels much more harsh and painful when you use an analogy that you can fully relate to. Getting disappointed is just a part of life so what matters is how you overcome it. Another reminder that in difficult times, it’s more important than ever to be there for each other and to help each other heal.

because we all have our own fights

Rewinding back to the early part of the month, as part of the internship programme, my orientation group of interns did a half-day CIP event for kids who were going through cancer and other various life-threatening diseases. The actual playing with kids was only 2 hours, but it taught me to treasure the little things in life that we choose to neglect because we are too zoomed into every little negativity that happens in our lives. The rethinking about how to spend my last year as a student, wow can’t believe it’s actually becoming reality. Seeing friends going through this phase of life, and now it will be my turn soon. The me in the workplace and the me after work feels like 2 totally different persons when they should be co-existing. Similarly I portray different sides of me, but the real and truthful side of me doesn’t appear often. Friendships become even more fragile as priorities change even more when you move towards the next phase of life; people change, feelings change, things change but life goes on.

Mid-20s crisis much? HAHA so much superficial problems I have bleh. There are too many questions I have for myself which can’t be answered right now, so in the end you leave them open-ended and let the answer appear by itself. That’s the beauty of life, just aiming for the simple things in life: seeing light and joy in everything. Indeed, it is the small things which take up the biggest room in the heart. Congrats Nick on surviving the first half of 2017, it hasn’t been pleasant and it would probably only be harder from here. Don’t ask for it to be easier, ask yourself to be stronger.

laugh. dance. live