I decided to post some thoughts here on this wordpress, because Facebook and Twitter are too mainstream. Ok it’s not because they are too mainstream, but because here is the only place I feel that I can express my thoughts.

Thought of Avril Lavigne’s Complicated when I was typing this post~

I had something in my head/heart/chest (not sure how you should call it) which I have been hiding to myself for close to 18 months. It felt really good to just finally tell someone and know that at least someone out there knows about it. Sometimes, it just takes one person to open up, and gradually people start to open up themselves and share their own stories. The results are surprising: when I shared my story with Dillon, he also FINALLY shared something about himself. Maybe it’s because of the school environment or something, but it was nice to have the guys sit together in one night and just share about stuff while having fun at the same time. Also, you would realize how awesome they are, and no matter what happens, they would support you all the way (like true brothers!). Some of my pals just read my PERFECTLY, like a book. Maybe my actions are too obvious or I can’t hide my emotions well. That’s why sometimes I use this poor WordPress to vent my anger and frustration at times. Now without school, all these bad emotions are gone, but with most of the guys gone, there is no one you can share the good emotions with. Reiterating what Terence said, friends are really important. They are like your second family, just that they are not bonded by blood ties.

I didn’t really think about this after the As, or probably even my whole 2 years of Senior High life, I just thought it was a silly thought of mine and tried to shake it off. Maybe because I was too worked up with studies, or I just didn’t really think of the possibility and just gave up on the thought. I am an extremely shy guy (I didn’t really think of myself that way, but that’s what all the other people say I am), so things get really difficult. I just can’t seem to be “shameless”, it’s not my character. Hell, I even feel shy asking to help take stuff. I don’t really “socialize” and keep spamming messages on my phone, I must be one of the rare kind who can survive without my phone. Even after As ended, I didn’t think about it since the chances are close to zero already. In December, most of us were slacking and just relaxing, and thus I didn’t give it a thought at all. Just wanted to spend time with my close friends before they went to NS, work etc.

During January, the guys finally got the chance to get together at Janson’s house (because someone didn’t organize a chalet *stares at Dillon Foo* LOL), but it was close enough. Not sure if it was Dillon or JJ who suggested it, we managed to dig out some stuff from Dillon and Leon haha. During the last gathering before most of them book in for NS, I told a few more people about it. Surprisingly, most of them encouraged me instead of just the usual nodding, which was really heartwarming. I also thought that for a guy like me, it is impossible for me to do something like that. Even Janson who doesn’t know about it talked to me and that few words really, really helped me (don’t know if he was trying to hint something to me, but thanks anyway bro!). Sometimes, I just wished I had the courage and confidence to do it earlier, but I wouldn’t have gained the guts and determination required if I haven’t talked to those 7 guys. (Wished I had the time to tell my story to Janson >.<)

Through my 1st HTHT with Terence, I realized that things are not as easy as what it seems. The first few months may seem like a breeze, but it is really the later parts which is the real test. People told me to think through it, and I REALLY REALLY REALLY gave it a sincere thought so that I won't regret it. I thought of nearly everything out there, the present, the future, and how much was I willing to sacrifice and get out of my comfort zone. Now, I'm telling myself this: Even if it doesn't work out at the end, at least I can tell myself that I tried my best. And it's a first for me anyways, no one gets it right on the 1st try. Just go for it! I even added a 11th thing to do in my bucket List before NS due to this. (I'm getting too addicted on the idea of a bucket list haha)

It’s better to fail trying than wondering what could have happened if you tried

아자 아자 화이팅!

It’s good to be alive! Life after A’s

It’s the new year, and for the first time in my 18 years, I do not need to go to school. Whew joy to the world! After being finally released (temporary) from the education system and given a load of free time, I really finally had the time to just relax, look at the ceiling (LOL) and have nothing to worry about. Most people I know have a job during the holidays, but I just choose to slack my remaining days off and really, REALLY, enjoy life to the max, and just do the many things I wanted and love to do when I didn’t have the time to do last year. During the 2 years in Senior High, most of my time was spent on “closet-mugging” and I didn’t really get to do much, maybe except during the holidays in Year 5 and the beginning of Year 5 where I just slacked too, but back then studies was still my top priority. One K-drama I could relate back to would be Scent Of A Woman, where the lead basically got only a few months to live and lived her life to the fullest after years of hardship. (ok you can’t say 2 years of SH life is exactly hardship, and I don’t literally have a few weeks to live, just using a metaphor).

It’s the new year, but basically nothing changes

After A’s, I have 3 months of free time to do all the stuff I wanted to do. Fortunately, I worked out the stuff I wanted to do before and during the A Level period, and I don’t necessarily have to complete my list before I head for enlistment, just enjoy the process while doing it. I previously wrote about going to MAMA and SNSD concert, which was basically the top 2 stuff I wanted to do Korean-related after the As. Actually going to either 1 of those would have been sufficient, but although the tickets were expensive, it was really fun to have gone all to those (no need for the details). I also wanted to go to Korea, but if I wanted to go Korea, I had to miss the SNSD concert. Any dumbass would have gone to Korea, but c’mon, going to a SNSD concert was literally a once-in-a-lifetime chance to see them perform all their songs. I saw them once live in MAMA already, but one song was definitely not enough :O. I don’t know if they would return to Singapore again, and even if they do, I could be stuck in the army. By the time I have enough money to go to Korea, they might have retired or gone inactive already. How could I say no? Well, maybe next time for Korea, since it’s going to be there forever and I would always have the chance to go there once I have the time and money. Heck, I could go there for an exchange program during university. There are many other opportunities out there, no point crying over one. Instead, I went to Taipei and did the same stuff again. Eat, shop, eat, visit relatives, eat, walk around, eat. I gained 3kg itself from the 1-week trip itself (mother of god), but it was nice to see my relatives in Taipei, which I didn’t see for close to 2 years. Went to see some distant relatives for the 1st time as well, which was kind of interesting because you are meeting people who are living in really different environments. The stronger family bond is evident, which is heartwarming to see, but we do have our similarities, such as our constant usage of our phones and my female cousins having a sweet tooth (just like my sis). I missed the year-end prom AND class trip to Thailand just for this trip, but no matter what, family comes first. I never really thought about how hard is it for my mom to be only able to her mom (which is my grandma) once every year or two, BASED on me and my sister’s schedule. If I can’t go to Korea, Taiwan would be the second best thing. I wanted to travel at least once outside of Singapore during the 3 month break, since Singapore to me is really a concrete jungle, and even the sunset is like a rare scene for me here.

me goofing around with my sis with one of our SUPER RARE zi pai attempts LOL

Other than attending Korean-related events, I also got to do many other stuff related to it. I watched tons of drama, some at a slow pace, but some at disgustingly fast speed (I finished Scent Of a Woman in 2 days and Protect The Boss in 3 days). After the new year arrived, I went back and continued learning Korean, which I stopped for a while during Year 5 in order to focus on studies. Most of my friends think I study Korean just for my love for SNSD, which is true ONLY to a certain extent (lol self-denial). I really like the Korean culture, which I learnt from Korean documentaries and dramas and there is many things about Korea which are intriguing and tend to be forgotten, from other genres of Korean music to the culture and even the food. This includes myself, who can’t seem to stop idolizing SNSD until it gets to the point of being annoying, but I would say I’m not so into K-pop and the Korean wave as compared to perhaps 2 years ago. I don’t go on Soshified everyday or listen to K-pop everyday lol. But still as I stated before, I would support those 9 girls all the way! Many tend to forget or don’t even know the hard work these idols put into their debut. Although I don’t like all the K-pop groups, I do have respect for all of them, given the years of dedication they put into their work and practice, along with the ability for them to survive the wrath of the many kinds of fans. Other than that, I do fan subs, which after going through the process itself, realize how tiring the process is. Dramas are much easier, but imagine a group of people talking to each other in a variety show, and not to mention the captions. But all of these I’m just taking it as an experience and take that I’m helping the community, as well as the subbing groups who 100% do it for the fans (unlike some which do for the fans)

9 angels ❤

Other than that, there are many things I’ve done. Sometimes, I would just sit down and play the guitar, while singing out songs at the balcony by myself. Although there isn’t a beautiful view or something (all I see is the PIE lol), it feels great with the silent night and night breeze blowing at you. I also do go exercise on a more regular basis, such as going to the gym or go for a run. Running around the Kembangan track really feels good, and it really helps you clear your mind and worries (things just feel so awesome when done at night). Having a healthy body really makes you feel good. You don’t really need to have a killer figure, just one which is healthy. I also started to read books, which kinda reminded me of my Primary School days which I read every single Roald Dahl book. Having school means I just couldn’t find the time to read books, but now I do haha. I always imagined myself to be at a Starbucks, sipping at hot coffee while reading a book, which I get to do now! Last year, I go there and study, while getting chased at times, but now no such thing happens! Enjoying the rich coffee smell, sitting on the dimly lit shop on a couch and just read a book. I should be out with a job and earning money, but I’ve been doing the opposite and blowing money instead, which makes me feel like a lazy pig. (writes note: must find job after NS)

Of course, I do go out with friends (I do not stay at home all day okay -_-). Like what Terence said, friends are REALLY important. When you have no one to turn to, you can always turn to your friends. It’s always nice to meet friends after school ended, from 4F to 24 to any one I’ve met during my 6 years in DHS. Although there was no 4F or 24 chalet (lazy me…), there were many outings between both class and guys that I went, and it’s just feels really good to just sit down, chill, relax and chat about stuff. I also (like 18 months haha) finally got to clear something off my head through HTHT haha, so it’s all good. Most of the guys are enlisting in like a few days, and I really wanted to spend more time with them, but all of us have to go serve our nation, sooner and later. During my break, I really got to spend good time together, from cocking around, going to the gym, eating together, talking to each other about life, and many other things. I would really miss the school times we spent together, and hopefully all of us can keep in touch (which I’m sure we would). Especially for someone like me which is incredibly shy, it’s really rare to find such great friends, and I feel fortunate to have such friends and could not have asked for better. This reminded me of Tiffany, whom I respect a lot for being so mentally strong, despite her mom passing way when she was at a young age.

Mom, you left this world before I have, but you gave me 8 sisters.

*bows back*

In all, there are many other things that I wanted to do (really learn drumming, travelling around, jamming with the guys, etc.), but I’m already satisfied. You always take things for granted, even to the simplest stuff such as having a house to live in, or to have both of your parents etc. Nearly every year, as I look back, I really feel like I’ve grown a lot and matured. Let’s hope this trend goes on and I can improve on myself and become a better person in the future!

Hoping the year 2012 would be a good one for all! And it’s good to be alive~

P.S. I got my inspiration to write this long, long note from 艾莉絲, whom recently got married. Randomly hopped on her blog and got the inspiration from there haha. Time really flies, 2 years ago I was watching her hosting tian cai chong chong chong and now she’s married >.<

glad she got her perfect wedding haha