Trying to get it right

Never let failures get to your heart & successes get to your head.

Pretty much sums up my CTs this year. I was really stuck in typing a post-CTs post, but I just want to do a carefree one for the time being. CT results: ACDDE. In short, the ‘A’ in Maths is nothing to be proud of, and hopefully I don’t get defeated by my mediocre results in my other subjects.

So school resumes, and CTs felt like it never happened. Nothing really to be happy about this CTs, and my results can be summarized by the 3 words Mr Ng wrote on my script, “Can be better”. ACDDE is really for me an ugly score, shows how much work I need to do to push up those D and Es. I kinda burnt myself out during the week of the CTs itself, which really killed my chances of getting good results. Honestly, I know that I am much more capable than those fucking results on the paper, but I would only have another chance to prove to myself during the prelims. It’s actually hard to believe that my results exactly 1 year ago is CSSUU. I improved really a lot, but I still have no idea how much more I can push myself to. I always, always tell myself that in the end, all the effort would be worth it, and I just try and give it my all. In the end, it’s more of a competition not against others, but yourself. I really, really grown a lot in terms of maturing a good mindset in my 6 years in DHS. Ok I’m still quite shy (LOL), but in terms of mature thinking, I really improved from one who absolutely despises school to one who understand the process of mugging and one who actually would sit down and do work, something I really done during my past 4 and a half years.

There’s something that I always wanted to talk about: my class. As expected, my class didn’t do really well for CTs. I always compare myself with the class, but now I seriously don’t see anything worthwhile to compare with. You have the aces, like Jiayu who nearly achieved the all-kill straight As, and was 1 grade shy. Meanwhile, you also got those who basically cannot get anything right and don’t bother to try and make things better for themselves. I really see the importance of putting myself in a different “league” with my class, which simply means that I stop comparing myself with my class. It all seems really deja-vu like last year where I separate myself from the class and this scenario is happening all over again. The feeling that you are out there by yourself and the same feeling where it’s you against the world. I’m going to the library by myself, isolating myself (again) from my class, but I can feel the benefits already. And somehow, my gut feeling tells me that I will actually benefit from it. Just need to stick to this belief, and let karma take care of itself.

This brings me to another point: Doing your best. Sounds easy, but again, easier said than done. I see so many people posting on FB and Twitter and how they are going to ‘improve’ themselves for the prelims and put in effort for it. Honestly, I don’t believe 80% of the bullshit. I believe that only 20% of the people will actually really and I mean really put in the effort. Trying your best means really trying your best, 3 words so simple, yet a lot of people I see don’t follow it. If you are already behind, what makes you think that you studying will suddenly make your results better? Trying your best means 100% in everything you do. You already flunked the CTs, which I think you probably told yourself that you would study for it. It becomes that vicious cycle which will ultimately haunt for at your A’s. Yes, I’m ranting, because I seriously can’t take it when people say they would try their best when their attitude is still fucking lousy. Then again, don’t waste time thinking of these kind of people, because it’s just not worth it.

I always think how life would be different if I didn’t push myself for the Promos last year, but that is seriously the change I needed in my 6 years in Dunman High. My below-average grades for Promos didn’t matter, it was the process of me actually doing work, actually putting in effort, and believing in myself that I can do it. Now, I just need to replicate this form for the prelims and ultimately the A’s.

Hopefully, I still can find time to post little amounts of crap here and there for this WordPress. Just re-reading all my posts make me realize how far I have come the past 3 years. It’s no more of a case where everything would be ‘ok’, now I want everything to be bloody awesome!

I’m really going crazy ~.~

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