Swalla

the usual grind; because everyone in the world are dancing to this song and I’m still using song names as titles for posts. I don’t even know what swalla means but it sounds fun HAHA

5 months gone just like that; still feeling like I have no direction. Just a short update about life after finals and how internship is going. The mind feels much fresher now that I do not require to stress about academics for the next few months, but this is only temporary and reality will hit back after the holidays are gone. Haven’t put much thought into expectations for myself going into this summer, just living life day by day, and I’m usually too tired to do anything at night (which I will come to in a short while haha). The room still isn’t organized LOL, so that should be the first thing to do under my agenda. For now, it’s just going to be internship all the way till mid-July and a week of reservist at end July.

Different environments; but same routine

Audit Internship Round 2; Week 4. Can I just say I can’t wait for it to be over already HAHAHA. This internship will last 10 weeks, so I’m 30% done already (staying optimistic as much as I can rofl). Working in a Big 4 accounting firm hasn’t been as glamorous as I thought it would be; you are just a small fish guppy in the big ocean. Seniors are too busy to really care about you, and there isn’t much work to be done because it is now the off-peak period for the audit industry. It went from “Omg need to work hard for my PO” mode to “Sighpie can’t wait for the day to end” mode real fast. Week 1 of internship was just staying in the large conference room, going through training and doing e-learning. More than half the audit interns are Year 2 NTU students, and NUS students are really the endangered species here. There are a couple of Year 1s who are also among us and they make me think “what are you doing here..?”; yours truly was still having fun doing camps during his Year 1. Being surrounded by younger peeps everywhere I go, you notice how priorities in life will change over the years, and you will be left behind if you don’t straighten out the things that you want have to focus on.

More about the internship… my orientation group of interns were really a chill group, kinda sucks that we have to separate for our respective engagements. I have 3 major engagements over this internship, located at Tiong Bahru, Tanjong Pagar & Raffles Place… how the hell did I get so lucky with my allocation?!! I could have easily gone to Tuas (which would totally kill any evening dance plans) but I got places which were (1) along the green line, (2) near central. THANK YOU MY LUCKY STARS~! Current engagement I was tasked to has been very mehhhhh though, but at least I ain’t OT-ing to crazy hours. We shall see whether my outlook towards this internship will change over the weeks to come. Will try to post more here (as usual) to record more of my progress over this internship, as opposed to last year.

Once you get into a 9-6 regular job, life can get mundane. I told myself to make good use of my evenings after work, and I have been doing so! (so proud of myself HAHA) Hard to believe, but I’m actually even busier now over this summer holidays; 1-2-4-6 are dance days while I leave 3-5-7 to meeting friends and letting the body rest. Last year, the post-work activities was mostly running, so dance is just another form of exercise to ensure I don’t get fat over this period. The main focus for dance hasn’t changed: just pushing myself while having fun at the same time. Some days I will be super motivated and be like “let’s go for more classes”; but there are days where I’m thinking why am I wasting money and doing this to myself. The current mindset is that I still have some energy left in the fuel tank, so JUST DO IT when I’m still (relatively) young and not bounded by the working life. Maybe I have been occupying myself with too much things, as my sleeping habits haven’t been good in recent months. Every night there’s this super tired feeling so I can just doze off, but it’s the feel good kind of adrenaline rush which makes life slightly more exciting~

And yays to more meaningful conversationsgot to understand more about others and of course more about myself. Not going into details of those conversations, but for those who are going through their own difficult times; just keep going, just keep swimming. Some old habits of mine still don’t die; I guess its just me. Sometimes you can’t see yourself clearly until you see yourself through the eyes of others. So how do others really see me, or rather how do I want myself to be portrayed as a person? Maybe I’ll start from there…

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Something Just Like This

i want something just like this

May 2 2017, 11am. Did my final checks on my MCQ shading, and making sure I wrote the correct question numbers in my answer booklet. The feeling of liberation was not there, but one of little relief that the semester is finally over. Normally I would be feeling nervous before an exam because I was scared of screwing up and wanted to do well. I thought I was way too relaxed in an exam setting this time around; maybe it’s been too long since I last did a proper exam. 3 years done and dusted, and with that another year as a student over just like that.

If I had to describe Y3S2 in 1 word, it was just messy. Dealing with my own emotional issues with a very challenging module basket, I was lost during every seminar and class participation was the worst out in my university life so far. It was not surprising that I was doing awful, scoring below average for many of my grades. The drive and focus to do well just wasn’t there, so as usual it was only desperation that struck me towards the end. Thankful for JQ for having nearly the same timetable (yes hello if you are reading this hehe), making the semester slightly more bearable. As per my recent post, no pointing of fingers so I will try my best to start this summer holidays on a clean slate, letting go of hatred and not comparing myself to others.

As time flew during the normal weeks of school, conversely it felt like the longest 2.5 weeks during reading week and examination period. Did most of my studying at a Starbucks (as usual), and it seems like every year I set up my studying fortress in a different Starbucks. I just love the vibe of studying at a coffee place, and this semester is no different. Had an unexpected “studying buddy” for a few days there, and very grateful for random snacks/dinner from this buddy’s mom! Wasn’t totally focused during the 2.5 weeks, I actually did many random things (and I am amazed at myself at this fact HAHAHA) and one of which was going back to DHS for guitar concert. Really made me miss times back here where we were so protected and the people whom you meet here are those you want to keep for life. 

throwback to times where we were all squeezing in a room over the phone waiting for syf results

Also in the midst of intense studying, I carved out some time to do a little sharing for SEP when I was in school. Seems stupid to waste time on a voluntary event, but I thought it would be a good opportunity for me to practice speaking to others. It was supposed to be a half-hour of informal chit chat, but it ended up being over an hour of sharing! I talked about a few tips and tricks on surviving in Sweden, and I didn’t really talk about the studying part because no one remembers that (like duh hahas). It’s all about the different experiences that you live in which you never imagined yourself to be in; and it’s just an amazing feeling that only those who went on exchange will know how it feels. My last word of advice was to just keep an open mind throughout the whole thing, and overall I just gave things on what things I would have wanted to know when I was my preparing for my exchange. Maybe a post on tips for exchange when I have the time? I also say I want to do this and that post but I don’t in the end, so no promises HAHA.

5.5 days of a short break before internship starts, and had the mandatory celebration with the BFF after the final paper. Went to dance on alternate evenings (will talk more about dance in a separate post), and went out a few times for yummy food as well. Haven’t had good conversations with human beings in a while, so it was nice to have some meaningful talk after a long period of closet mugging. Had dinner with J and Z after 6 freaking hours worth of dancing on Saturday, which was a slightly weird grouping but glad it turned out to be a great night. Spent my remaining time just sleeping like a pig LOL; was supposed to organise my things but procrastinating as usual lalala. Not the best way to spend this break as I could have done more, but it felt great that I didn’t have to worry about anything studying-related hahas.

3rd summer holiday, and I really have no idea what to expect from it. For now, just hoping to learn and have a good experience from internship, seeing the difference working from a small to more well established Big 4 company! Probably won’t travel after internship though; just want to enjoy a real break and save money for the grad trip. Not very excited and mentally prepared for internship too HAHA whoops. Last year, I was panicking on whether I will do a good job and I was actually reading my audit notes to refresh my knowledge. Only time will tell on how this internship goes and we shall see~ 

Keep at the things I always tell myself to follow, and hopefully I will have happier moments to share and talk about here. I do read my old posts, and as cringeworthy as they are, it really shows the different stages of life and growth that I was at. Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there; so let’s keep it going.

when your biases from 1m dance together omg ^^