It’s that time of the year again, as you can see by the falling snow in this WordPress year after year… DECEMBER! Which also signifies that 11 months in the year have passed, and the year is coming to another closure. I’m glad that I’m posting here more often, although it has become more emo and negative the past few posts. This year passed really fast I swear, especially during school. As compared to 2 years ago where you really just count your time to ORD week after week, nowadays you don’t even have the time to count down to the holidays: You’re too occupied with your work, and in an instant the finals are right at your face. I wouldn’t say that this year was a big year for me, there hasn’t been much high or low moments (only recently). Short summary for now, I’ll cover the year’s happenings when it really comes to the end. Who knows, I might have something happy to report about here? 😛
Over the past few months, my emotions have been on a roller coaster. And it wasn’t really about school work, I was over that phase after I start to realize that my value isn’t determined based on my CAP. It was about everything else: relationships, priorities, the feeling of forever being inferior. Everyone is fighting their own personal battles; so I shouldn’t ever think that I’m alone, it’s just that no one wants to show their dark side. That goes the same for me, everyone has their own ‘dirty little secret’ that they are scared of people to know. Before school, the worry is that I might end up with the wrong group of friends, but now the thing is if I even have a group of friends I could turn to. The 4F guys all seem to have fitted in well in their respective university lives, while the fellow signalers all seem to have their own worries that every time when we meet, it seems to be like a bitching session about how shitty our lives in uni are so far. I have always been a strong believer of just going with the flow, I mean no point thinking like omg I need to make friends. Life should be a journey, not a destination. The word worry should be removed from my dictionary, and banned from this WordPress as well, period. It’s starting to be a bad habit of mines to rant out everything on twitter or here every time somethings go wrong. Everyone does dumb stuff when they’re mad. Breathe in, breathe out…
Time… I’m always saying that I don’t have enough time for this and that, but I think it is just more of me not willing to make time. One of the major things I found out after 1 semester in university is that my time management is just down the drain. This explains my last minute mugging of everything, and it’s not like I was super busy with my CCAs, I just never got things sorted out and when I realized it was too late already. I feel there are so many missing pieces in my life: Where are my dreams? My aspirations? My direction? I never had the time to think through all these things since I was so occupied with school, and the rest of my time was spent over worrying. Again it brings me back to making time, and with next semester being even crazier given that I have 2 concerts to prepare for, time is going to be even scarce. No complains though; everyone has 24 hours in their lives, so I just need to make time for the right things, for the right people.
Like Seohyun, time to work hard.
I really just want to take a break from everyone, which explains the trip to Korea. Maybe I should have gone solo instead, but I think if I’m alone for a week I might go crazy. Okay it’s not only me, both of us need a break away from our parents, and also some quality bonding time. We were all too focused with our studies, and too shagged out to chat about anything as we spend more than half the day every weekday at school mugging. Thankful to always having the sister at my side, and now I realize how great it is to have a sibling. It would have been perfect if I had an older brother/sister who I could looked up to, but given how hot-headed I am I forsee many arguments. I need to be nicer to my sister haha, it seems like she’s the one giving in nowadays. (because she knows how both our parents favor her over me) Regarding my sister being a carbon copy of me, I’m just hoping she gets a more colorful life, one that she is able to form meaningful friendships and create happy memories when she steps into university. I’m really hoping she will stay at campus when she starts university, she’ll learn a lot and hopefully change for the better as well.
Off to Korea for a week! Yays to the end of finals and hello holidays. Enjoy all I can and emo reflect again when results come out. How exciting right NOT. And you… let’s just say you crossed my mind too many times over the past few months. Is it weird that sometimes I wish you were here? HAHAH oh well 😡 I shall end off with more wise words from Ms. Seo Joo Hyun! Seriously I love inspirational quotes that SNSD members speak. So what is freedom?
Travel often: Somewhat checked? (I told myself I would go back to Korea someday, only took me 7 months HAHA!)
Be good to yourself: Wok in progress
Be a good friend: Kindness doesn’t stop, honestly I think I’m an awful friend at times so some improvement perhaps?
Create your own happiness: Forgotten midst everything; trying to find it back somehow, someday.
Take chances: SIGHPIE… 도와주세요 T.T
Nick // Guardian 