Sometimes love isn’t enough, sometimes the time isn’t right.
Current status: Week 12. Barely alive. Week 11 was over. 6 fucking deadlines in a week: Geog on Monday & Tuesday, Audit on Wednesday, Finance case on Friday and Corp Accounting leases case on Sunday. I don’t foresee myself going for dance anytime before finals, there’s way too little time left in the semester. Have 2 finals on Week 13 which both requires cheatsheets, so its time to bust out the colourful pens and font size 5 handwriting. 4 level 3000 modules really takes its toll onto yourself, especially when you have to use time outside of seminar classes to understand what the hell is going on. Falling sick was inevitable, but on the bright side it wasn’t anything serious and I didn’t fall sick during the exam period. Exhausted in so many ways. Depleted in every single aspect. And it isn’t just because of schoolwork. Too many things have been happening that losing track of time is so normal nowadays. At tough times like this, sometimes you just need to have faith and trust yourself. I have survived a lot before, and I will survive whatever is coming my way.
The search for internship hasn’t been easy either; interviews didn’t go smoothly and the number of callbacks I actually have is minimal. Everyone’s CAP is inflated because of grade-free, so my CAP really isn’t as impressive as everyone thinks it is on a relative basis. Already prepared for the worst case scenario, where I am able to secure any internship and end up doing a part time job instead. I really need to save $$$ for SEP, it’s crazy to see how my fellow Business batch mates travel around Europe/USA/Canada, did money drop from the sky for them?!! Looking forward yet scared at the same time for SEP; really can’t wait to explore Europe, but its a life of independence and a life being away from everyone for 5 months. The worst fear is the question that whether I will be forgotten and left behind… It’s always nice to hear comforting words, but you never know whether they are truthful words until the time actually comes. It isn’t that I have no faith or trust, but when you are physically away, drifting naturally happens. Hell even when people live in the same country, they are too busy for each other, but such is life.
That said, there are still many things that I am truly blessed with in my university life. I was able to enter NUS Business, a faculty many wished to have join but were unable to do so because of their results. I had the chance to join many FOPs and CCAs, and although not all went as great as I would have wished, every experience shaped me in its own way. I do have a group of friends who I can rely on, quality over quantity always. It was never planned that most of the great I made in university ended up being outside Business. I have a respectable CAP and I have the chance to go for SEP, already can’t wait to go into explorer mode in Europe hehe.
Finishing this post @ a random Starbucks, overheard conversations about graduation trips and commencement ceremonies. “OMG I need to lose weight before I take my graduation photo”. Moments like this that you would have never imagined will come eventually. I survived A Levels, I survived BMT, I survived till ORD, I finally entered university, I ended my 1st year and now I’m soon to complete my 2nd year. I’m a Year 2 but I feel like I’m a Year 4 already with how things are going LOL. Thoughts have been drifting since forever, but when you start to have control over them; you don’t let the bad ones affect you and slowly, the inner peace will come by itself.
To accept ourselves as we are means to value our imperfections as much as our perfections.