Stronger

So this is a topic that I have been avoiding and dragging for quite a while. Among some of my previous posts I have been beating about the bush regarding this topic so for this post, I shall put a close to yet another “chapter” in my life, and move forward to the next.

It’s funny how we all think we know who our ideal type of girl is. She must have that sweet smile, hot body, along with a kind heart. But then this person comes along and breaks all the rules. She’s a little plump and she doesn’t have the kind heart that you hoped for. But suddenly none of it matters, as you have fallen for her already. And that’s all that matters..

Seobaby ❤

Most of my army mates would know that my ideal type is SNSD’s Seohyun, someone who is upright, hardworking and has this bright and cheerful personality. It’s weird that most guys like the typical popular girl who comes from a sports CCA, has a good body and are usually very outspoken, but okay I have weird taste haha… but given our generation present in the Singaporean society (sorry for stereotyping :X), it’s hard to find a girl like Seohyun. And like everyone else, there would be someone who come along and broke all the rules, and for me this happened 3 years back. I can tell you that this girl is nowhere similar to Seohyun (not looks, but personality and character wise), but somehow I just liked her. I think most people would understand this feeling where you just like that someone, and you don’t mind their flaws at all, simply because your feelings have already overwhelmed you and you’re in no control of them anymore. I shall skip about what happened between us since that’s not the main point of this post. All I knew that after that day, the me whom I thought was strong just suddenly broke down. It was a super hard one to swallow, but as time past by the wounds you inflicted slowly healed, and I slowly gripped onto reality and without a heavy heart anymore, was able to go on without looking back and having any regrets with anything I did.

It’s super strange that all of these just happened only a few months ago, but it felt like ages already. All I knew was that I was just the average male who was just crazy in love and due to this, I ignored everything around me. Instead of living my own life the way I want it, I was trying to mould myself to be the perfect guy for you. However, the best thing in the world is when someone accepts you for just being the way you are. Now finally free from the emotions, I feel like a totally different man, who’s able to command the life the way wants and not feel like I’m living my life the way other wants it. And that to me, is super important as many ignore this aspect of life as they want to blend in with the crowd. That’s why I’m not really a fan of all the shit I see in university camps/ hall activities. Maybe because I’m really introverted, but to me the most important thing is still you getting that degree and you can GTFO from the cruel education of Singapore’s. No one would care if you are the cheerleading captain or winning your inter-college games (a little off-topic, so moving on…). When you said you wanted to remain as friends, I could feel that those were nothing but empty words. Talking to you was always a guessing game, and I could feel that you were still holding back. I could still feel the “distance” between us, and I’m the only one whose trying to close that gap. How I wished that you would open up more to me like what a friend is supposed to do, but since you were scared about the opinion of others, you ignore everything single thing which I did and lived your life the way I did when I was crazy in love for you: living your own life for others. And that was a total no go IMO. Now I feel like a total and complete idiot when I see how the me last year acted *buries head into pillow*. Maybe all of these are still words of angst and hurt, but I can’t just let this incident dangle in my life and return to haunt me in the future, so this is what the purpose of this post is for: to put perhaps a proper closure to this chapter.

The topic got touched on during a Christmas gathering with my Maple guildmates. We had an unexpected HTHT session after getting bored with Saboteur regarding each of our experiences going through relationships. I love talking to them, since most of them are older than me and thus, wiser and able the share their experiences and thoughts regarding this topic. Among us, we have a married couple who’s going to have a baby soon, one who recently got together with a guy, and others who had first loves, and of course, the forever alone singles like me who had a lot of things to digest that day. Being in a relationship now is not as simple as it looks at the surface, as there are many other variables that we do not take account to, especially for people like us who are still at a relative young age. Talking to them really opened up another perspective regarding relationships, and helped me to understand what the aspects of a relationship which I failed to notice before. Through that one simple roundabout sharing session, my view of a relationship changed drastically. I liked what one told the group of us 20+ year old guys: “When you’re choosing whether to get into a relationship with a girl, essentially that girl may be your future wife. So if you aren’t able to see yourself and her in a married life, don’t bother wasting your time.”. In a generation where many people believe that “love prevails”, these are the many small pointers which many do not take note and thus their relationships do not work the way they thought it would be. Maybe this isn’t really applicable to me right now, but will take note hehe ;).

With all that happened to me, I know that I’m stronger than I think I am. What seemed to be a phase of life which I thought would be difficult to pass has now become nothing but a distant memory, and going through this phase of life has brought about another level of maturity of myself. I was the typical male whom when fallen in love, believed that the one was the right one for him. And due to this poor mindset, I kind of rushed into things and hoping to succeed just because I was scared to fall into the category of staying single. There’s still a long journey ahead of me, with the final education phase of university waiting for me, so there’s no need to be so desperate to rush into a relationship. Might as well be patient and wait for the right one to come rather than rushing into a meaningless one. Although having an introverted personality may seem to be a big disadvantage, that doesn’t mean that I won’t meet people, perhaps just less. Besides, it’s not like I’m some fatfuck who lazes around at clubs everyday and won’t contribute anything useful to society. So yes, I admit that I still like you and it’s been so hard for me to let go, but I’m halfway there already. The hard part is gone already, and I could still remember how weak I was, and how I had to run in camp late at night to relieve the bottled emotions in me and letting it all out when no one was watching. I must look like an idiot to be still thinking of you after so long, while I probably don’t cross your mind at all. It’s a really sucky feeling when you think of someone but he/she doesn’t. That’s why they say love is a 2-way thing and it has always been me giving and you receiving. It’s just at times I wished I would receive, but who am I to ask for something?

In the end, realize that letting go is close to impossible, but not impossible. It would be a slow and painful process, but it would be best to move onto the next phase of life and not be burdened by this one off incident. Even if things didn’t go the way I thought it would happen, somehow I was glad that at least I tried. Yes, it was awfully painful to hear those words when you thought otherwise, but not to be ashamed about as many had gone through this exact pain that I felt before. So friend (as you like to call), I’m grateful for everything you’ve done to me, but there would be a point of time where we would go our separate ways.   So gone with the past, but the small moments we had will stay in my heart and I’m again thankful for that chance. Sorry, but I don’t want to continue on as a one way traffic

 

 

It’s all so you can love someone someday~

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The D-Days of 2012

I never did my yearly review and reflections in a specific way. The 1st 2 years I did it by listing my new year’s resolutions, while for last year, I just recapped on what made my year happy. This WordPress has really come a long way, and at this generation who can proudly say that they have kept to 1 blogging platform for such a long period of time! I was always thinking how I wrapped out my year in a post, and so I decided to end it this way, inspired by a K-drama which I recently watched and loved, Reply 1997! During 1 episode (if I recall it was Episode 7 or 8 where all the main took their final exams), there was this mention about D-Days, which gave me the idea for this post.

d-day

Hands down my top K-drama for 2012!

Kim Yuna lived on the ice rink 12 years for four minutes and 10 seconds at the Olympics. For this test, we waited, ran, and prepared for 12 years. August 18, 1998. Our D-Day was passing by like that.

You could say that the ultimate D-Day of my life have already past in 2011 when I took my A Level examinations, 12 years of studying down to those few hours worth of papers (but I don’t want to touch on that subject anymore). But other than the major exams, everyone of us had our own D-Days in our own lives, big or small. 2012 was quite a mixed year for me, many good and bad things have happened to me. It didn’t felt as fast as 2011, as the days at Tekong passed really slowly. This year has been an emotional roller coaster, but although it may sound bad, it has thought me to appreciate the small moments in my life and the life lessons which i can learn from them. (Again, they may sound repetitive, so I’ll try my best to make it sound nicer.)

March 2 2012… The day all 18-year old JC students were waiting for, getting back their A-level results. Although the constant thought about it wouldn’t change the results, the small possibility of flunking was still up there. I knew that I was going to do alright since I mugged like crazy for the past year, but how well? I didn’t really expect such good results, but it was a testament of how hard I worked for. Like I said, there wasn’t much to worry. My first choice course was going to be Maths, which doesn’t require that excellent grades. It was more about the worry that if the grade were lousy, my future would be jeopardized as I could not get a good job and would lead to a snowball effect. Of course, having scored so well felt great, but even if I was to do badly, the me today and the me before would still be the same. Life waits for no one, life goes on. Does that piece of paper means that I would be made for life in the future? No, it merely opened up many paths for me, but in every path I still would have to work hard to reach the end-point. Okay I already talked about regarding this on my previous posts and  I hate harping on the topic of studies, so moving on…

March 6 2012… The day which I knew was coming sooner or later but never wished would happened. After receiving my results just a few days ago, in an early Tuesday morning I took the bus and boat to Tekong and only to come back 3 weeks after going through confinement. In a flash, I was now in the army, wearing green for the next 2 years. I never knew how it was going to be like in there, so I was expecting many cultural shocks going there. Turns out army wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be, but nonetheless the transition to military life was hard. I never really treasured my civillian life until then, and now I just want my pink IC back and want to have nothing to do with the army (14 months to go c’mon rawr!). No one likes any changes in their lives, but every Singaporean guy got forced into this shithole. I made many friendships on that island as well, and although we only spent 4 months together, imagine 5 days a week where we go through shit together, and slack together in our small bunk, along with the nightly HTHT. And during that period of time, book outs felt the best as you really appreciate the things around you. Now, every book in and book out feels like a vicious cycle, and every weekend burned is a super burden to our more and more uneventful time outside in civilization. During our recruit times, it was like a must to do something eventful during every book out before going back in but now, it’s like a part of life and you just get used to it. Life as a recruit went on for 4 months, with training week after week and finally, we were ready to march the hellish 24km down to the Marina Platform.

July 9 2012… The day where we turned into “men”. I don’t really believe in any of the army shit where we defend the country etc, but at last we’re getting out of the shitty island. There was this sense of pride marching into the Marina Platform, but now I think of it, it’s like “Meh, whatever… it was just the start of a shitty 2 years in NS”. If they really wanted to help us “celebrate”, they wouldn’t make us suffer and let us march 24km carrying a shitload of stuff. Hell just call some buses for us to the platform and let us do our parade. Putting aside the pain we suffered, overall the parade was okay, but after which I was just tired and smelly. The block leave after that for me was a little waste as compared to the leave I was enjoying last week, as half of the time I was lying on my bed resting my poor feet and legs. So what have I learnt about the army? Yeap it’s stupid LOL (sorry for being so anti-SAF, but I think most Singaporean guys think this way). There are some life lessons learnt through my journey as a recruit and my time serving in the army which I will take back, and I think by the time I got back my pink IC, I would have matured much more and become a better person. I could have gone through another period of being a cadet if I had gone to OCS/SCS, but I don’t think I would make it through another 6/9 months of just suck thumb and do blindly things as instructed. But I shall just take life as it goes, I could have been in much worse places so I shall be contented with what I have!

July 14 2012… Okay this may sound like a random date but to me, it’s something significant. No one except for one would have an idea on what happened during this day, but it was a start of yet another lesson of self-discovery. On this day, I did something which I never, ever would have thought of doing, and just thinking about it makes me feel oh so freaking embarrassed *hides under blanket*. It was a big step forward in my life, and with all the dust finally setting down, with a composed mindset I can finally talked about this topic more comfortably. Of course there are many questions I ask myself when I look back into this: Should I have done it differently? Should I have even done it at all in the first place? How would it have been if I done it at a later date? But what’s done is done, you cannot change the past. Now after going through all of that, I feel like a big rock was lifted off of me. It just wasn’t meant to be and I was too simple-minded to think that all would work out smoothly. Okay I shall elaborate on this topic in another post, but overall, since it turned out to be like this, just take it as a lesson in life and move on. I’m too young to let this thing put me down, and there are still many chances out there and perhaps the one who would be the right one for me would come at the correct time.

October 21 2012… The day I tested my physical limits. You never know how capable you are if you don’t try, so I decided to try out a 10km run to see if I could achieve finishing that distance. Although the run was a total killer to the legs, it felt extremely good to finish it, especially to finish it under an hour during your first try. Seeing my age group, there were many younger guys who ran faster than me, but to me it’s a personal thing which I wanted to try and see for myself if I could really do it, so the position didn’t matter. At this age, it seems like you need to be good at something if you enjoy it; for example if you enjoy soccer you would naturally be good at it. However, running to me isn’t something where I must be the best, it’s more of a personal challenge which I set to myself. After the last dash, I myself realize there’s a bit more in myself than I think, and that comes when you really push yourself. Of course timing is important as an indication to whether you’re improving, but I have really enjoyed the process of myself running. Now I feel much fitter, and it has indirectly monstrously helped my 2.4 timing as well even though I have been running much longer distance. The decision to start running has benefitted myself immensely and now with regular runs, it has keep my body in good shape since some of the long-distance runs which I do cancels out the pigging out of buffets and high-calorie snacks during the weekends.

There are some things that I would have loved to touched on for this year-in review, but I would just cover the more important ones which have made an considerable impact on my 2012. So I realized I never did a new year’s resolution list last year, so I’ll end this post with a few simple things in mind which I hope to achieve in 2013.

1) Maintain SILVER for IPPT

2) Run more to achieve the following targets – 52:00 for 10km, 1:55 for 21km, and lastly complete in any way a full marathon (even if I have to crawl my way to the finish line LOL)

3) Focus and study more of my Korean (no more procrastinating)

4) Post more in this WordPress, and revamp the whole thing if I am able to find the time.

5) Go out more often and waddle less at home on my bed with my laptop  (I need to have a better social life .__.”)

6) Get my driver’s license and drive my family out (so that my mom does not need to drive me all the time .__.””)

7) Improve myself as a person overall throughout the year 2013

Okay 7 things for this year. Kept it much more simple as compared to my previous resolutions and many things can fall under number 7. So that’s a wrap for 2012. Thanks for the memories and roller-coaster ride, and 2013 is going to move like a coal-powered train from the 70s, slowly given the miserable status that I’m under now (le NSF), but shall not wallow in pity because every other guy has gone through this stage at 1 point of his life, so in a flash I would have 2 months left to ORD and I can start to countdown from there. Until March 5 2014 aka ORD date comes, just take life simply as it goes and may I fill 2013 with many happy and memorable moments! :))

OFF-TOPIC: SNSD’s I Got A Boy comeback stage is absolutely awesome DAEBAK!!! Everything from the singing to the dance is super polished and during the live performances the girls are just brilliant. *fanboy mode back on* (rapes replay button~)

snsdigob1

Right now, it’s Girl’s Generation!!!

Letting go… for now :x

I haven’t had the time post here for quite a while, mainly because I have been wasting time thinking about useless things during my precious weekends. I always wanted to write a continuation of what happened after taking that leap of faith. Well things really didn’t really go as what I expected to. After finally having some alone time, I decided to get this out of my head when it is still fresh. I always love to express my thoughts in words, so you got to say that WordPress is perfect for the writer me hah!

If you were wondering what happened to that leap of faith, let’s just say that I jumped, I thought I made it, only to be dragged back to the starting point. Although you wished that you had made it, but you got to face reality that perhaps: you didn’t.

After making that leap of faith, I thought the hard part is finally over. However, you didn’t really acknowledge the fact that we were together, which made me wonder whether you only said yes because you didn’t want to hurt my feelings. We didn’t feel like a couple at all, but I lied to myself that you just need more time. Yesterday, you were complaining about your stressful university life. And today before we went our separate ways, I wanted to give you a hug and tell you that everything will be fine. It didn’t happen.

Somehow, we started to be honest with each other and I was glad that we talked it out, like what couples would do when they fight. But in the end, we decided to take a step back, back to friends, since you needed some breathing space to sort out everything that had happened. Although there might be a chance that we would be back together, stronger as ever, it felt like we will never happen again. You asked if I felt hurt, I said that I wasn’t. The truth was that it felt like a dagger through my heart, and I was holding back my tears, but I put on a strong front and acted like it was nothing. I could still remember how relieved you look when you finally let go of your bottled feelings, how could I have possibly cried at that scenario? When we went our ways, you didn’t even want me to walk you a short distance and you used us stepping back as an excuse so that I would stay put. At that moment, I thought of how ironic that when a couple breaks up, its usually the girl that is sad while the guy is happy. It was the exact opposite. While I cried myself to sleep, during that night you probably had one of the best sleeps in a while.

I pretended to fall asleep in the train, but in actual fact I was crying, head bent over with my bag covering me. I never cried that badly since the few days of enlistment, sometimes I wonder whether I really do have the hormones of a 18-year old guy. There was actually nothing to cry about, it wasn’t like a real relationship, but I just cried it out, I simply just cried. What hurt the most was that you thought that I was only after you because I was ‘bored’ in the army. This is when I wished that I was closer to you during schooling days and maybe I picked up the courage a little too late.

It’s really hard when you like someone, because when you do, the person’s actions determine your feelings and emotions, and it feels like you’re on a roller coaster. You can feel like the top of the world, and the next day this world suddenly collapses. Before all of this started, I was perfectly normal and living life to its best, now I just feel like crap. Looking back, I feel like a total idiot whose senses got totally blinded by love. I was way too optimistic and naive, and thought that everything would fall into place after getting together, but none of what I thought really happened. I imagined myself walking you back home while we hold hands; I imagined us taking selcas where we would do silly expressions together; I imagined hugging you goodbye after every date; I imagined us like any couple outside, just having fun together and appreciating each other’s company.

But all of the above would only happen in a real relationship, which I always imagined to happen between us. When you said okay, I thought that you gave me a chance to show myself that I can be the guy for you. Now I realized the okay you said when I asked you to be my girlfriend was meaningless, since that chance probably didn’t existed in the first place. Relationship is like two people playing tug-of-war: It’s only fun when both people tried their best and keep pulling. Once a person lets go, there’s no point in the other to keep trying. So let’s use that analogy, I wished that you would have hold onto the rope, but I guess you didn’t want to. God I must sound like the most desperate guy out there, wishing that you would have liked me back and making you sound like a criminal when it didn’t work out between us. Well sadly, you can’t exactly force someone to like you, as much as you wanted it to happen.

Like I said before, there are many things in life out there, it was just that I couldn’t see it because of you. Shit happens, not everything in your life can go your way, but life goes on. Today, I suddenly wished that you would have just said no so that the pain would have been less. I wondered how much I must have liked you for me to get out of my comfort zone which I never thought I would have. So should I just give up here or continue the chase? I don’t know if I can take another heartbreak again, I don’t want to go through what I’m feeling right now. Bounce back, and come back even stronger. Things now between us, as much we deny it to be, will never be the same again, and I have no idea what to expect now.

As much as it hurt, I guess I had to let go, and now I only wonder if the heart shape emoticon which I deleted from your name from my phone would ever return…

If it’s meant to be, it will be.

Taking that leap of faith

There is so much stuff that I can talk about regarding this, yet it seems so hard to put these thoughts into sentences, probably due to me thinking too much. Even starting the first line is a difficult task, since I didn’t really see myself in the position I am today, and the past seems like a distant memory. Now, as I get closer to the end-point, I wonder if I am actually reaching it, getting further away from it, or perhaps at a dead end already.

Now thinking about the past, I wondered how did I managed to take the first important step into trying. It could have been a moment of courage, or just a moment of craziness, thinking that I should just try and go for it. At the start, I needed so much help and I literally had no idea on what to do, yes it was that bad… When I first enlisted into the army, it seems like that all is lost and at that time, I thought about giving up. Not only once, not only twice, this thought came up in my mind several times since I enlisted into the army, and everytime I ask the same question to myself: “Is she worth it?”. I told myself that since I tried already, might as well go all the way to the end. And everytime I wanted to give up, I always remind myself of the question that one wise friend of mines told me: “Are you happy that you tried?”. Well, of course I am, since I never really expect myself to be doing these kind of things. I told myself that in my JC life, I wouldn’t stand a chance and perhaps should only try when I entered university. I think the problem was that I didn’t really give myself a fighting chance and removed any thoughts of trying, using studying for As as an excuse. Even after As ended, I never, ever thought about it as having fun was probably the only thing in my mind. Thinking back, life now would be very different if I hadn’t taken that first step. My life now in a sense feels more meaningful before, as going through the process has thought me much about how you deal with others and how I am as a person. Also, it made me feel that army is not the only thing in my life and there are many things out there of life that you can look forward to, with army not necessary taking control of your entire 2 years. I thought I have matured a lot during the JC period, and the truth is I matured only in terms of my attitude toward hard work etc in JC. Only after leaving JC and entering army, I talk and open up to people much more than I was in JC, since I’m not focused on studying like a mad dog. So was my grades worth the colourless JC life? I do have some regrets regarding that, but I supposed you can’t get the best of both worlds. I wouldn’t want to regret sacrificing my grades just so to sort of “socalise” more. Although grades are only letters on a piece of paper, those 5As really gave me a sense of accomplishment, since I was never the study type and it showed me that nothing is impossible with hardwork. But can the same apply here? If you really did your best and put in your all, would it really work out at the end, just like As? So many questions that I wish I knew the answer to them was, and every time I think about these, I suffer insonmia, just wishing I knew the answer to them.

So can I really, really take that leap of faith? I always told myself that trying is at least better than not trying and living in regret, but somehow I really cannot bring myself to do it. Somehow, that fear of rejection grew bigger and bigger as the days go by. Am I really that mentally prepared for rejection? I don’t think I am an emotionally strong guy enough to handle such an answer, since you have been hoping and wanting the other answer so much. For a guy, I can cry over the simplest of things (which is kind of embarassing), and this fact is confirmed when I enlisted into the army. I’m not sure if it’s me who cry too easily, or it’s the other guys who aren’t so touched and don’t cry easily, but I’m thinking the answer is probably the former. Maybe I’m being too pessimistic about this, rather being the optimistic self that I have been. But you can’t always be worried about the “what ifs” and take a chance in life. Although you wished you knew the answer beforehand, you would never know the answer until you actually try. I could have been facing this brick wall that was never meant to be overcome, but also she could have been waiting all this while? I will never know the answer until I try.

But in the end, it all goes down to her. I could receive all the help and do all the things in the world for her, but all of the above would be in vain if she isn’t interested in going into such a thing. So can I really do it? Well, I wouldn’t know the answer if I don’t take that leap of faith. But all I can do is hope all is well and even I fail, hope again things don’t get too awkward afterwards. And here’s another message to myself: Rejection is what you have to go through sometimes before you succeed. Just make I can lift my head up high and tell me myself that at least I tried my best, and that I tried, rather than not trying at all. Get over it and move onto the next stage of life, no point harping over this one! And if it does work out, better don’t screw up the chance given to me! 🙂

But until then, about taking that leap of faith… 

 

To the future we go

It has been roughly 2 months since results day, this post should have been out way earlier, but I haven’t really had the time to sit down and write/type it out. This is just going to be my thoughts regarding my A Level journeys and everything else, what went right for me and the future installed for me.

me with my class 🙂

Got to school, got my results, the end. That’s is basically a summary of what happened that day. Everyone in the school (as expected) did well, we had 90+ people getting 6As and above, which gives them a passport whatever course their heart desires. What I was more worried about are the rest of the 300 of us, can we get into the course of our choice? Or even worse, can we even get into any local university? Flashing back to what Mr Yap said to us a year ago, would we be crying tears of joy or tears of sorrow and regret? The wait to receive our results was so fucking bad, totally feel like shit during that moment. How would my 2 years of studying come out? All of these questions would be answered once I see those letters on that piece of paper…

So what was the end results? 3 words: Totally worth it. Of course, it could have been better, but I’m satisfied and happy, that is all that matters. Those mugging sessions in the school library, Starbucks, NLB, Subway, have not gone to waste! It also felt great to see all your effort paid off in the end. I supposed all the things I previously told myself really helped: the positive mindset, the constant hard work, the never-say-die attitude. Being “academically-challenged” for 4 years doesn’t mean that you have to be the same for the next 2 years. I still recall an assembly talk which showed statistics correlating GPA and A level results, well sorry but I didn’t see myself getting bad results since I had a lousy GPA. To those who think they aren’t “meant for studies”, don’t believe in those bullshit. People are “smart” for a reason, they study and put in the work, it’s just that simple. If you claim you study but still can’t get results, review your methods. Studying while talking to someone won’t help you absorb much, so there is always something out there where you can improve in. The most important thing is not to give up, never give up. Although you may feel down at times, just think how badly you want it, cause if you do, you will definitely work for it.

Here, I really have to thank the teachers who have helped me immensely throughout those 2 years: Mr Ng Hao Jin, whom I give full credit for saving my maths when I was at my worst and re-instilling my long lost passion in maths. My chemistry tuition teacher Chris, who although may not be the most knowledgeable, but always puts in the effort in preparing questions despite having another job. My economics tuition teachers Mr “Sean Pang” and Mr Gilbert Lee, one which gave me the foundation and another who probably vomitted marking my essays :x. And Mdm Koh Li Keng, who helped me at the final stretch of the As, even though I wasn’t her student which made me twice as grateful. I feel awfully sorry to Mr Augustine Chan for my below-par GP grade, who always comes up with interesting acronyms to help his students in GP.

And that’s for me, but what about the others? Some of them did well, got close to the 6As needed to stand on stage. Some did worse than expected, but good enough for most universities. And there are the others, whom I’m really worried about: those who may not even be able to go to a university, or go to courses not even close to their preference. It’s really frustrating to see people whom you know studied hard, but the results did not show on that goddamn freaking piece of paper. Some of them are your close friends, but you can’t do anything but say: “It’s going to be alright”, which doesn’t really help, which leads me to the post A-level days… The most surprising thing that happened the day after results day is that a teacher, whom I didn’t expect at all, called me. She congratulated me for my results, and lead to the discussion of my class, where some did not do well. She told me to do something for them to comfort them etc, which at that point of time I didn’t really care, but I don’t know why, but in the end I decided to write something for them, kinda like what I write here. I even wrote a draft first before typing it out and posted on Facebook, and what the heck, might as well tag along the 4F guys as well. To be honest, that post doesn’t sound like me at all, because I never really open up in front of my class unlike I do here. But thankfully, I got a positive response from it, even some teachers texted/Fb-message me and told me that they liked the note. What I wanted to say is all in the note, so those who are interested can read the note at the link below

http://www.facebook.com/notes/nick-lim/to-my-dearest-friends-classmates-and-anyone-else-that-i-might-know/10150604239626888

So what is installed for me in the future? Well I got accepted into NUS Faculty of Science :). In the end, I chose interest over “utility”. With my grades, I could have gone into other courses which promised a better future, such as Business or Accountancy, but as I told myself, since I am going to study something for the next 4 years, might as well make it as enjoyable as possible. It always gets tempting to go to a course which seems more “sought-after”, but I think I made the correct decision and went with my heart, rather than just future practicability. I would probably have an average salary, but at least I would be doing something I enjoy. Just a little conflicted between Applied Mathematics and Statistics, both have its pros and cons. This leads to another big question mark in my life, what am I going to be in the future? I seriously don’t want to be a maths teacher LOL, but that seems like what most people do with a maths degree. Teaching do seems fun, but not as a profession. Imagine students come find me for consultations and I don’t know how to solve the question.. And how interesting could teaching Maths be? There’s only 1 way to solve it. Let’s just hope that I made the right decision!

So university life let’s go! But that would have to wait till 5 March 2014… Can’t wait to say the word ORD LO!

Another Day. Another Challenge

Back from a week in New Zealand and it was pure awesome! Love to go back there if possible =), being away from Singapore actually let me had some alone time and realized a lot of things that didn’t cross my mind, so here goes.

First off, the 1 week in New Zealand was definitely worth it. The views were simply magnificent, and words can’t describe how beautiful New Zealand is. It makes Singapore look like a concrete jungle. This just shows that economic prosperity doesn’t equate to happiness. I was skeptical during the first 2 days, but later I just got immersed and leaving New Zealand was so sad, especially our guide Alan and driver Daryl, they’re the best as well. I just wonder how ‘shallow’ I would be if I haven’t gone to this trip, so thank you to the teachers and especially my fellow bosses YS, TJ and Bobo for making this trip such a valuable one for me. This is actually my first school trip in DHS aside from level camp and I’m so glad I went for this one.

On a more serious note, this means that I’m left with 20 days to my CTs, with aboslutely zero revision covered so far, aside from maybe half of Geography. I was just thinking, if I could do it and score better than my peers who has a relatively one week longer study break. But with this New Zealand trip, it is going to spur me on and work even harder for times. I was actually thinking, if results really equate to happiness. You are the best, the cream of the crop, but ultimately are you happy? Actually, for me, I think it’s not the results, but more of the feel that you achieved something that makes you happy. Whenever you did something you though you never can do before, you get that sensation once you accomplish it, such as going 1800m above sea level and feeling strong winds near a blow hole! With this spur, I have one thing to say. I’m going to own this CTs, and I better not go fuck around and slack because I badly want this thing.

Now, meanwhile in sunny Singapore, no doubt people have already begin their revision. There’s one problem, they complain. I complain too, but after thinking through it, what for complain? It doesn’t do anything, and the best solution is to face it straight up. Also, I realize how our juniors are so curious and want to learn more during the trip, taking notes diligently and etc, way different than the me 2 years ago. But now, I’m sort of seeing the me in my class now if I didn’t buck up last year. The Promos last year was definitely a major turning point in my life, and I never want to go back. My class is sort of my push the previous months, but now I’ll be my own driver. Ultimately, do it for yourself, and no need to show it to others. It’s YOUR life, and you call the shots.

Meanwhile, I’m seriously loving my playlists in my iPod Touch, perfect mix of acoustic, Korean and catchy songs. Also, I decided to change to my Taeyeon wallpaper for these couple of days, puts a bright smile in my face. Haha, till then, I’ll just slowly face each day and work through it, and I’ll see this WordPress after Common Tests, maybe another post if I had the feel.


ok I’m still in love with her voice. haha

The reason I love guitar <3

So why did you make the choice a year ago…

After today, I can dare say I never regretted making that choice. Sure, it’s been tough, especially for the next few weeks, but like I said, absolutely, 100% no regrets.

Although I always get niao-ed about not practicing or being called for having a name similar to Coke (lol whut?), I don’t mind it because frankly, I deserve the criticism and I have this tendency to choke hardly when I’m nervous. But, I cannot stand it if someone question’s your determination, your passion. Not sure which words would be more appropriate to use here, but you get the jizz of it. If you aren’t going to help the cause, then stop adding fuel to the fire. Why did I join Guitar? Because I fucking love it. I love how you can play almost any song with 4 simple chords, and I love the emotions that songs played by the guitar that can bring out, which strangely other instruments can’t bring out. I always love to hear acoustic covers of songs on my iPad. It’s light on the ears, but yet it sound so awesome. Bring in a few simple percussion beats and it’s complete. I just have this preference with guitar over piano. Maybe because pianos are getting too common and boring.

Today in the SYF Exchange, I truly learnt how music is a universal language. Seeing how schools play completely different genres of songs on the guitar, it broadened my perspective of classical songs. Although the ensemble probably don’t know each other well, but on the stage, everything just comes naturally together and we let our guitars do the talking. On paper, the songs sound excellent but what many people don’t see is the countless hours of practice behind it. The more passion you have, the easier and more natural the practice feels. It kinda feels like me practicing the drums before CenterStage. Although I was playing on a plastic drum set on Wii, the songs naturally came in and when you are engrossed in something music, you generally lost track of time, because you are doing what you love.

If I didn’t join Guitar, I wouldn’t have know that I could actually play a musical instrument. I kinda brought back my love for drums years ago as well. It taught me how to be confident, especially when 800 pairs of eyes are on you at that moment. Revolution would not be part of my life, and music would be nothing else but something which I listen on my iPod Touch. When music communicates, it just seems to have the ability to bring people together. Love those random jamming sessions in the guitar room or even on the bus, you just need someone on the guitar and everyone just seems to sing along (especially someone like me who is shy finds myself sing along, even when I sound horrible =o). This journey seems to be heading for an end soon, but it would be just the beginning, and I would definitely continue if I somehow manage to get into NUS, haha.

I’m bushed from the 3 days of guitar. I’ll need to catch up on my work, starting by visiting my beloved Starbucks next thing tomorrow morning. Until then, two things in life again, studies and guitar. I’ll do 1 more post before the school holidays ends. Posting here is getting addictive… =D