Letting go… for now :x

I haven’t had the time post here for quite a while, mainly because I have been wasting time thinking about useless things during my precious weekends. I always wanted to write a continuation of what happened after taking that leap of faith. Well things really didn’t really go as what I expected to. After finally having some alone time, I decided to get this out of my head when it is still fresh. I always love to express my thoughts in words, so you got to say that WordPress is perfect for the writer me hah!

If you were wondering what happened to that leap of faith, let’s just say that I jumped, I thought I made it, only to be dragged back to the starting point. Although you wished that you had made it, but you got to face reality that perhaps: you didn’t.

After making that leap of faith, I thought the hard part is finally over. However, you didn’t really acknowledge the fact that we were together, which made me wonder whether you only said yes because you didn’t want to hurt my feelings. We didn’t feel like a couple at all, but I lied to myself that you just need more time. Yesterday, you were complaining about your stressful university life. And today before we went our separate ways, I wanted to give you a hug and tell you that everything will be fine. It didn’t happen.

Somehow, we started to be honest with each other and I was glad that we talked it out, like what couples would do when they fight. But in the end, we decided to take a step back, back to friends, since you needed some breathing space to sort out everything that had happened. Although there might be a chance that we would be back together, stronger as ever, it felt like we will never happen again. You asked if I felt hurt, I said that I wasn’t. The truth was that it felt like a dagger through my heart, and I was holding back my tears, but I put on a strong front and acted like it was nothing. I could still remember how relieved you look when you finally let go of your bottled feelings, how could I have possibly cried at that scenario? When we went our ways, you didn’t even want me to walk you a short distance and you used us stepping back as an excuse so that I would stay put. At that moment, I thought of how ironic that when a couple breaks up, its usually the girl that is sad while the guy is happy. It was the exact opposite. While I cried myself to sleep, during that night you probably had one of the best sleeps in a while.

I pretended to fall asleep in the train, but in actual fact I was crying, head bent over with my bag covering me. I never cried that badly since the few days of enlistment, sometimes I wonder whether I really do have the hormones of a 18-year old guy. There was actually nothing to cry about, it wasn’t like a real relationship, but I just cried it out, I simply just cried. What hurt the most was that you thought that I was only after you because I was ‘bored’ in the army. This is when I wished that I was closer to you during schooling days and maybe I picked up the courage a little too late.

It’s really hard when you like someone, because when you do, the person’s actions determine your feelings and emotions, and it feels like you’re on a roller coaster. You can feel like the top of the world, and the next day this world suddenly collapses. Before all of this started, I was perfectly normal and living life to its best, now I just feel like crap. Looking back, I feel like a total idiot whose senses got totally blinded by love. I was way too optimistic and naive, and thought that everything would fall into place after getting together, but none of what I thought really happened. I imagined myself walking you back home while we hold hands; I imagined us taking selcas where we would do silly expressions together; I imagined hugging you goodbye after every date; I imagined us like any couple outside, just having fun together and appreciating each other’s company.

But all of the above would only happen in a real relationship, which I always imagined to happen between us. When you said okay, I thought that you gave me a chance to show myself that I can be the guy for you. Now I realized the okay you said when I asked you to be my girlfriend was meaningless, since that chance probably didn’t existed in the first place. Relationship is like two people playing tug-of-war: It’s only fun when both people tried their best and keep pulling. Once a person lets go, there’s no point in the other to keep trying. So let’s use that analogy, I wished that you would have hold onto the rope, but I guess you didn’t want to. God I must sound like the most desperate guy out there, wishing that you would have liked me back and making you sound like a criminal when it didn’t work out between us. Well sadly, you can’t exactly force someone to like you, as much as you wanted it to happen.

Like I said before, there are many things in life out there, it was just that I couldn’t see it because of you. Shit happens, not everything in your life can go your way, but life goes on. Today, I suddenly wished that you would have just said no so that the pain would have been less. I wondered how much I must have liked you for me to get out of my comfort zone which I never thought I would have. So should I just give up here or continue the chase? I don’t know if I can take another heartbreak again, I don’t want to go through what I’m feeling right now. Bounce back, and come back even stronger. Things now between us, as much we deny it to be, will never be the same again, and I have no idea what to expect now.

As much as it hurt, I guess I had to let go, and now I only wonder if the heart shape emoticon which I deleted from your name from my phone would ever return…

If it’s meant to be, it will be.

It’s good to be alive! Life after A’s

It’s the new year, and for the first time in my 18 years, I do not need to go to school. Whew joy to the world! After being finally released (temporary) from the education system and given a load of free time, I really finally had the time to just relax, look at the ceiling (LOL) and have nothing to worry about. Most people I know have a job during the holidays, but I just choose to slack my remaining days off and really, REALLY, enjoy life to the max, and just do the many things I wanted and love to do when I didn’t have the time to do last year. During the 2 years in Senior High, most of my time was spent on “closet-mugging” and I didn’t really get to do much, maybe except during the holidays in Year 5 and the beginning of Year 5 where I just slacked too, but back then studies was still my top priority. One K-drama I could relate back to would be Scent Of A Woman, where the lead basically got only a few months to live and lived her life to the fullest after years of hardship. (ok you can’t say 2 years of SH life is exactly hardship, and I don’t literally have a few weeks to live, just using a metaphor).

It’s the new year, but basically nothing changes

After A’s, I have 3 months of free time to do all the stuff I wanted to do. Fortunately, I worked out the stuff I wanted to do before and during the A Level period, and I don’t necessarily have to complete my list before I head for enlistment, just enjoy the process while doing it. I previously wrote about going to MAMA and SNSD concert, which was basically the top 2 stuff I wanted to do Korean-related after the As. Actually going to either 1 of those would have been sufficient, but although the tickets were expensive, it was really fun to have gone all to those (no need for the details). I also wanted to go to Korea, but if I wanted to go Korea, I had to miss the SNSD concert. Any dumbass would have gone to Korea, but c’mon, going to a SNSD concert was literally a once-in-a-lifetime chance to see them perform all their songs. I saw them once live in MAMA already, but one song was definitely not enough :O. I don’t know if they would return to Singapore again, and even if they do, I could be stuck in the army. By the time I have enough money to go to Korea, they might have retired or gone inactive already. How could I say no? Well, maybe next time for Korea, since it’s going to be there forever and I would always have the chance to go there once I have the time and money. Heck, I could go there for an exchange program during university. There are many other opportunities out there, no point crying over one. Instead, I went to Taipei and did the same stuff again. Eat, shop, eat, visit relatives, eat, walk around, eat. I gained 3kg itself from the 1-week trip itself (mother of god), but it was nice to see my relatives in Taipei, which I didn’t see for close to 2 years. Went to see some distant relatives for the 1st time as well, which was kind of interesting because you are meeting people who are living in really different environments. The stronger family bond is evident, which is heartwarming to see, but we do have our similarities, such as our constant usage of our phones and my female cousins having a sweet tooth (just like my sis). I missed the year-end prom AND class trip to Thailand just for this trip, but no matter what, family comes first. I never really thought about how hard is it for my mom to be only able to her mom (which is my grandma) once every year or two, BASED on me and my sister’s schedule. If I can’t go to Korea, Taiwan would be the second best thing. I wanted to travel at least once outside of Singapore during the 3 month break, since Singapore to me is really a concrete jungle, and even the sunset is like a rare scene for me here.

me goofing around with my sis with one of our SUPER RARE zi pai attempts LOL

Other than attending Korean-related events, I also got to do many other stuff related to it. I watched tons of drama, some at a slow pace, but some at disgustingly fast speed (I finished Scent Of a Woman in 2 days and Protect The Boss in 3 days). After the new year arrived, I went back and continued learning Korean, which I stopped for a while during Year 5 in order to focus on studies. Most of my friends think I study Korean just for my love for SNSD, which is true ONLY to a certain extent (lol self-denial). I really like the Korean culture, which I learnt from Korean documentaries and dramas and there is many things about Korea which are intriguing and tend to be forgotten, from other genres of Korean music to the culture and even the food. This includes myself, who can’t seem to stop idolizing SNSD until it gets to the point of being annoying, but I would say I’m not so into K-pop and the Korean wave as compared to perhaps 2 years ago. I don’t go on Soshified everyday or listen to K-pop everyday lol. But still as I stated before, I would support those 9 girls all the way! Many tend to forget or don’t even know the hard work these idols put into their debut. Although I don’t like all the K-pop groups, I do have respect for all of them, given the years of dedication they put into their work and practice, along with the ability for them to survive the wrath of the many kinds of fans. Other than that, I do fan subs, which after going through the process itself, realize how tiring the process is. Dramas are much easier, but imagine a group of people talking to each other in a variety show, and not to mention the captions. But all of these I’m just taking it as an experience and take that I’m helping the community, as well as the subbing groups who 100% do it for the fans (unlike some which do for the fans)

9 angels ❤

Other than that, there are many things I’ve done. Sometimes, I would just sit down and play the guitar, while singing out songs at the balcony by myself. Although there isn’t a beautiful view or something (all I see is the PIE lol), it feels great with the silent night and night breeze blowing at you. I also do go exercise on a more regular basis, such as going to the gym or go for a run. Running around the Kembangan track really feels good, and it really helps you clear your mind and worries (things just feel so awesome when done at night). Having a healthy body really makes you feel good. You don’t really need to have a killer figure, just one which is healthy. I also started to read books, which kinda reminded me of my Primary School days which I read every single Roald Dahl book. Having school means I just couldn’t find the time to read books, but now I do haha. I always imagined myself to be at a Starbucks, sipping at hot coffee while reading a book, which I get to do now! Last year, I go there and study, while getting chased at times, but now no such thing happens! Enjoying the rich coffee smell, sitting on the dimly lit shop on a couch and just read a book. I should be out with a job and earning money, but I’ve been doing the opposite and blowing money instead, which makes me feel like a lazy pig. (writes note: must find job after NS)

Of course, I do go out with friends (I do not stay at home all day okay -_-). Like what Terence said, friends are REALLY important. When you have no one to turn to, you can always turn to your friends. It’s always nice to meet friends after school ended, from 4F to 24 to any one I’ve met during my 6 years in DHS. Although there was no 4F or 24 chalet (lazy me…), there were many outings between both class and guys that I went, and it’s just feels really good to just sit down, chill, relax and chat about stuff. I also (like 18 months haha) finally got to clear something off my head through HTHT haha, so it’s all good. Most of the guys are enlisting in like a few days, and I really wanted to spend more time with them, but all of us have to go serve our nation, sooner and later. During my break, I really got to spend good time together, from cocking around, going to the gym, eating together, talking to each other about life, and many other things. I would really miss the school times we spent together, and hopefully all of us can keep in touch (which I’m sure we would). Especially for someone like me which is incredibly shy, it’s really rare to find such great friends, and I feel fortunate to have such friends and could not have asked for better. This reminded me of Tiffany, whom I respect a lot for being so mentally strong, despite her mom passing way when she was at a young age.

Mom, you left this world before I have, but you gave me 8 sisters.

*bows back*

In all, there are many other things that I wanted to do (really learn drumming, travelling around, jamming with the guys, etc.), but I’m already satisfied. You always take things for granted, even to the simplest stuff such as having a house to live in, or to have both of your parents etc. Nearly every year, as I look back, I really feel like I’ve grown a lot and matured. Let’s hope this trend goes on and I can improve on myself and become a better person in the future!

Hoping the year 2012 would be a good one for all! And it’s good to be alive~

P.S. I got my inspiration to write this long, long note from 艾莉絲, whom recently got married. Randomly hopped on her blog and got the inspiration from there haha. Time really flies, 2 years ago I was watching her hosting tian cai chong chong chong and now she’s married >.<

glad she got her perfect wedding haha

The last brick wall

Yes, we’re finally on the last lap. Less than a month to the As, and it seems like there was more than 200 days to the As. Well, reality hits hard, and we are always done in the 12 years of education. Haven’t been posting for a while, and I won’t post here till after my A’s, so I will try to make this worthwhile.

Got back prelims, hit my expectations. Surprisingly, I hit my expectations for every subject, even my Maths haha. Exact results will come on Friday, but I know where I stand. Could have enter the 80 marks range if I did a little better in Chemistry and Econs, but now I know my weak areas, no point thinking about it and go straight for the As. Getting a bit cocky now, since I’m slacking, which is the WORST thing to do. To be honest, I didn’t feel like I put in 110% for the prelims, maybe around 80%, but I improved a lot. Got an A in Geography, which I am super happy about, especially when I thought I flunked. Although I told myself to be more optimistic this year, I always think of the worst for my exams, such as fucking up Maths etc. Turns out, I’m doing much better than expected, so that’s a definite plus. I tell myself that I have come a long way since the CTs last year, so slacking now will just put all the effort I put since then into shame. I think I really improved a lot, from someone who shy away from academics to one doing relatively well now. I mean, I’m someone who got a GPA of 2.8 in Year A, but I still vividly remember a screwed up assembly where your projected score for the As has a high correlation with your GPA. Well, take that, cause I don’t see myself flunking in As. HAHA!

There’s only 1 week left in school, and I’m glad I get to leave the god-forsaken school. To be honest, I think I would have been much better off in another class, but that’s bullshit since people like Jiayu and Boon are still owning in academics. I always wanted to positive environment in school, something like what I see in Yong Sheng’s class, but what I see in my class is the exact opposite. If you have the passion in something, doing it would come natural. Ok, it’s 2 am now, so I may just be ranting. I’m dreading the last week of school, can’t you just give me a week off so that I can study in peace? Other than that, I’ve definitely met an awesome group of people.

Nearing to the end point, I kinda lose a little motivation here and there, but I recently gained 2 new insightful ones. One of them would be Steve Jobs. I reviewed one of his talks in Stanford and the famous quote still sticks in my mind. “Stay Hungry, Stay Foolish”, is something really applicable now. I sort of follow only the hungry part, but that quote teaches a lot of things. If you want something, you gotta do something unconventional. Now that he recently passed away, he definitely left a legacy behind him. I learnt of his death on my iPod Touch, how ironic. The years of work he left behind would be an inspiration to many, and his actions speak for himself. Never give up, and go for your dream. His passion for Apple was simply amazing, and he would be definitely missed.

My second inspiration now is SNSD’s Seohyun (lol?). My bias used to be Taeyeon, but it’s slowly shifting to Seohyun. I’m just awed at how someone could be so upright and disciplined. Actually, I think she would have been better off as a student, since the idol status is probably stopping her from doing a lot of things, such as pursuing her studies. However, she’s clever to use her idol status into good use and I’m so glad that she got to meet her idol UN Secretary General Ban Ki Moon. In the short of 2 weeks of holiday where I spammed SNSD videos, I learnt how mature of a person she is despite her just being 20. Now, I would try to emulate her style (Kinda) and hopefully get into gear in time for the As.

Probably one of the crappy posts all time, but until then, I will continue to study hard, and of course, no regrets.

ok she’s officially my new bias >.<

Another Day. Another Challenge

Back from a week in New Zealand and it was pure awesome! Love to go back there if possible =), being away from Singapore actually let me had some alone time and realized a lot of things that didn’t cross my mind, so here goes.

First off, the 1 week in New Zealand was definitely worth it. The views were simply magnificent, and words can’t describe how beautiful New Zealand is. It makes Singapore look like a concrete jungle. This just shows that economic prosperity doesn’t equate to happiness. I was skeptical during the first 2 days, but later I just got immersed and leaving New Zealand was so sad, especially our guide Alan and driver Daryl, they’re the best as well. I just wonder how ‘shallow’ I would be if I haven’t gone to this trip, so thank you to the teachers and especially my fellow bosses YS, TJ and Bobo for making this trip such a valuable one for me. This is actually my first school trip in DHS aside from level camp and I’m so glad I went for this one.

On a more serious note, this means that I’m left with 20 days to my CTs, with aboslutely zero revision covered so far, aside from maybe half of Geography. I was just thinking, if I could do it and score better than my peers who has a relatively one week longer study break. But with this New Zealand trip, it is going to spur me on and work even harder for times. I was actually thinking, if results really equate to happiness. You are the best, the cream of the crop, but ultimately are you happy? Actually, for me, I think it’s not the results, but more of the feel that you achieved something that makes you happy. Whenever you did something you though you never can do before, you get that sensation once you accomplish it, such as going 1800m above sea level and feeling strong winds near a blow hole! With this spur, I have one thing to say. I’m going to own this CTs, and I better not go fuck around and slack because I badly want this thing.

Now, meanwhile in sunny Singapore, no doubt people have already begin their revision. There’s one problem, they complain. I complain too, but after thinking through it, what for complain? It doesn’t do anything, and the best solution is to face it straight up. Also, I realize how our juniors are so curious and want to learn more during the trip, taking notes diligently and etc, way different than the me 2 years ago. But now, I’m sort of seeing the me in my class now if I didn’t buck up last year. The Promos last year was definitely a major turning point in my life, and I never want to go back. My class is sort of my push the previous months, but now I’ll be my own driver. Ultimately, do it for yourself, and no need to show it to others. It’s YOUR life, and you call the shots.

Meanwhile, I’m seriously loving my playlists in my iPod Touch, perfect mix of acoustic, Korean and catchy songs. Also, I decided to change to my Taeyeon wallpaper for these couple of days, puts a bright smile in my face. Haha, till then, I’ll just slowly face each day and work through it, and I’ll see this WordPress after Common Tests, maybe another post if I had the feel.

ok I’m still in love with her voice. haha

The first brick wall of the final lap

Disclaimer: I literally typed this whole thing on my iPod touch during Wednesday’s assembly in the auditorium, with Loong Ge spying on me half the time. He said he liked the title, haha. Some of the content inside is probably dervied from the talk and I just typed it in as I hear the lecture.

Common Tests are coming in probably 40 days or so, and this is the start of the impending doom in 6 months that we will face. It’s seriously time to get serious and stress would be inevitable. So if not now, when? Of course, while dealing with work, there’s a need to balance work, health and fun. Keep calm in face of the lack of time for revision and follow a regime during the holidays. since I’m going to NZ during the first week, I will surely need to put it much more effort to make up for the first week loss. But that said, too much work is not good, I will still not be able to watch any of my Korean dramas during the holidays but that doesn’t mean that I need to stay in Starbucks over 12 hours straight and mug. Study smart, and take charge.

During the holidays, I’m left with 3 weeks instead of 4, so time is of the essence. To be honest, the only lessons I would go back to school for is Maths, and I’ll do my very best to secure that A for Maths (since there’s the only place I can get my A). Maybe even better, strive for the best get Top 20 in cohort (highly unlikely though LOL). The main thing for Economics and Chemistry is to better my results during this Promos. There’s this mental block there in my head that I suck at these 2 subjects and the CTs would be the best chance to break all of them. Especially for Chemistry, a subject which I barely pass in Junior High, and attaining single digit scores for lecture tests in Year 5. Sure, I passed all my lecture tests in Chemistry this year and proven to myself that I can do it, but for the CTs, I want to show myself that I can do it on a wide variety of topics and not just small lecture tests. There’s this one phrase that my Economics Tuition teacher told me when I had a little chat with him. “Don’t let your circumstances let you down”. Now he’s teaching me about philosophy as well haha. There’s no point whining about your situation, so I told myself to just live with it. Try and gather resources from others and with a WHOLE LOT of practice, I would be able to write with RIGOUR and slowly inch my way up. For Geography, I just need to practice more and remember my case studies. What I lack in Geography is the effort and practice since it’s only a H1 subject for me, so the first thing I need to do is change this mentality. In short, for this CTs, prove to yourself that you can EXCEL.

The last point to myslef is: DON’T SLACK!!! I don’t want a repeat of last year’s holidays where I basically burned myself out in the first week. Since I’m going to be alone this holidays, there would be less distractions around me, but the temptation of slacking would always be there. If the bed gets too inviting, go out and study and slowly get into the studying groove. And just make sure that I really put in 100% effort, and starting working really, really hard after New Zealand. Don’t be bothered about others, and live your life the awesome way you want it.

Ultimately, I just want to make sure that I am able to look myself at the mirror and proudly say “I did my best, no regrets”. Nothing else matters 😀

The reason I love guitar <3

So why did you make the choice a year ago…

After today, I can dare say I never regretted making that choice. Sure, it’s been tough, especially for the next few weeks, but like I said, absolutely, 100% no regrets.

Although I always get niao-ed about not practicing or being called for having a name similar to Coke (lol whut?), I don’t mind it because frankly, I deserve the criticism and I have this tendency to choke hardly when I’m nervous. But, I cannot stand it if someone question’s your determination, your passion. Not sure which words would be more appropriate to use here, but you get the jizz of it. If you aren’t going to help the cause, then stop adding fuel to the fire. Why did I join Guitar? Because I fucking love it. I love how you can play almost any song with 4 simple chords, and I love the emotions that songs played by the guitar that can bring out, which strangely other instruments can’t bring out. I always love to hear acoustic covers of songs on my iPad. It’s light on the ears, but yet it sound so awesome. Bring in a few simple percussion beats and it’s complete. I just have this preference with guitar over piano. Maybe because pianos are getting too common and boring.

Today in the SYF Exchange, I truly learnt how music is a universal language. Seeing how schools play completely different genres of songs on the guitar, it broadened my perspective of classical songs. Although the ensemble probably don’t know each other well, but on the stage, everything just comes naturally together and we let our guitars do the talking. On paper, the songs sound excellent but what many people don’t see is the countless hours of practice behind it. The more passion you have, the easier and more natural the practice feels. It kinda feels like me practicing the drums before CenterStage. Although I was playing on a plastic drum set on Wii, the songs naturally came in and when you are engrossed in something music, you generally lost track of time, because you are doing what you love.

If I didn’t join Guitar, I wouldn’t have know that I could actually play a musical instrument. I kinda brought back my love for drums years ago as well. It taught me how to be confident, especially when 800 pairs of eyes are on you at that moment. Revolution would not be part of my life, and music would be nothing else but something which I listen on my iPod Touch. When music communicates, it just seems to have the ability to bring people together. Love those random jamming sessions in the guitar room or even on the bus, you just need someone on the guitar and everyone just seems to sing along (especially someone like me who is shy finds myself sing along, even when I sound horrible =o). This journey seems to be heading for an end soon, but it would be just the beginning, and I would definitely continue if I somehow manage to get into NUS, haha.

I’m bushed from the 3 days of guitar. I’ll need to catch up on my work, starting by visiting my beloved Starbucks next thing tomorrow morning. Until then, two things in life again, studies and guitar. I’ll do 1 more post before the school holidays ends. Posting here is getting addictive… =D

No more fooling around

Another post for the end of Term 1. Thank God it’s Friday, but this holidays are quite packed as well, again so much things to do, yet so little time. It’s supposedly the holidays, but why are there so many things on? Life’s going to knock you hard at times, and you just have to stand up.

Not really happy with my performance this term. Why? Because I know I’m not trying my best, and it is reflecting on my results. I get easily demoralized when I do bad, and I should be using this to push forward or not sit back and ponder on it. The negative influence I have been getting isn’t helping much, but no excuses. I will do better, and mug the fuck out of myself. I’m not really using much vulgarities now as compared to before, but I’m fucking serious. A’s may seen like 8 months away, but time flies, and you gotta use every minute of it. If others don’t take it seriously, just let them play a fool out of themselves. Mugging a few hours won’t prove anything, it’s consistent mugging which matters, and making sure every concept down to the details are at your fingertip.

A results for the seniors came back, and I kinda feel pressurized. They did well and got a holiday for us (which I went out to mug for the first time for a few weeks). Met Mr Yap during the day itself, and he told the guys: “Learn from the success, and don’t repeat from all the failures”. Later, he would express that Dr Foo should have let us see the joys and tears of our seniors, which I strongly agree. Sometimes, you need to see the end-result to have a clear goal. Do you want to be the one hugging someone for joy, or crying on someone’s shoulder? The next two terms would be absolutely crucial, and I will make sure I’ll push myself to the limits, even if it kills me. Ok maybe note, health always come first.

To assist myself to achieve this seemingly impossible goal, I will list 5 major things I will do:

1. Stop using the computer
2. Stop watching Korean Dramas
3. Stop surfing Facebook during school
4. Stop playing Monopoly Deal and use all my free period wisely
5. Stop whining about the small obstacles in life

Notice that all of them are ‘stops’ instead of ‘starts’, but I believe that once I achieve these ‘stops’, they would turn naturally to ‘starts’. You can’t achieve instant success, there’s no easy way out. This may seem impossible for a stupid bastard like me, but I will at least try it out. It’s always good to have a go instead of pondering if it is a waste of time, cause even if you fail, it would be a good life lesson. I told myself when I find things impossible to overcome, “If you want a miracle, you need to make one out yourself.”

My CT is worried about my class, and she has every right to do so. As a chairperson, I feel so powerless because I’m not good myself and have no idea on how to help them. She told me to try and push them to work harder, and in certain ways, I can see their effort. Most of them mug harder than me, yet they aren’t producing the results they want. Life’s a bitch at times, and you don’t reap what you put in. Ahhhhhhhhhh as I type this, I feel so flustered, maybe because I am in no position to be venting about my class. Hopefully, my class would finally get the results they deserve and push themselves out of the bottom. Typing this paragraph is giving me the sighs, I don’t even have the time to worry for myself, but classmates are classmates, you want them to do well. Lets go 6C24 (Even though no one knows of this blog. LOL) Fighting!

I’ll set a few goals for myself for CTs, too early to set goals for A’s, and CTs would be a good gauge for the Prelims. Take it one step at a time, so here goes:

H1 Geog: B
H1 GP: D
H2 Chem: B
H2 Econs: B
H2 Maths: A

Seems unrealistic right? Especially the Chemistry and Econs grades, B’s? I’m setting myself hard goals which are not impossible to achieve. If I was crazy enough, I would be aiming straight A’s. So, I will work towards this grades, and I will put my wants into actions. I know that the school will back me up, so all I have to do is put in the effort. Easier said than done, but I will try.

Why am I still here? I’ll probably post less here, maybe write some GP stuff here or something, lols. Let’s go do some mugging!

I did it

I’m supposed to do my PW script now, but I have absolutely no mood to do it, so I’m here typing another random post. Surprisingly I have something positive to write about, guess that’s a good change.

Got back my results a while back. Managed to pass Chemistry and GP. Kinda flunked Geography, could have gotten a B if I read the questions more carefully. That aside, loved that I got my Maths sense. When Mr Ng called out my name as the top improved student for Maths, I was shocked. I would never expect myself to improve so much. +43, rofl. That kinda ‘spoiler’ my results since I knew my previous marks, but I was just happy that I improved so much. When I got back home and see my results again, I was just relieved that all those mugging paid off. Got a C for Economics, wasn’t really happy, but taking into account that a C was top 35% of the cohort and that I was the bottom 10% of the cohort during CTs, it’s another big jump. Pretty satisfied for this Promos, just gotta keep it up till A’s. sigh. fighting!

So exams are over, finally some breathing space. Like real, because something shitty called Project Work decided to make its appearance. To be honest, I kinda enjoyed my mugging experience. Sure it was horrendous, but it’s surely better than PW. God what a useless subject, 3 more weeks, and it would be over. Other than that, have been slacking around quite a bit, practicing the new SYF song (dreading the schedule, thank god I didn’t go the Japan trip), played a few rounds of dota, and of course watching some SNSD videos! Getting a HD Media Player was one of the best decisions I made, damn HD videos look fine.

Lol as I was typing this, I’m watching TMYW, have no idea why I’m not sick of this performance after 1 year… Kinda miss the concept, everyone looked great, I could go on and ‘fanboy’ all over it. So anyway, I can’t wait for the 3rd mini album to come out! Kinda mixed reactions with the new concepts, but my god Taeyeon looks like a completely different person.

Better get back to PW. Lazy to add captions for the pictures. I chose that specific pic of Taeyeon during Genie promotions. Anyway, just a small reminder for myself for the rest of my a level journey

Hell yeah, I did it.

Live Your Life

Last post: 2010 resolutions, edited on 03/01/2010

This wordpress is dead, dead, dead, and there are still people viewing this? Thanks to all those who still view this shitty blog of mines. Most people are probably using tumblr now, but I’ll stick to WordPress. I’ll try to revive this blog by adding a few more inspirational stories kinda thing.

Why the sudden revival and not let it die? Well, one of the main motivations of reviving this blog is due to school. School? You gotta be kidding me. Not. I’ve been failing GP, so maybe writing a few ‘essays’ will help, even though it will never come out in A levels, like I said before, I want something to reflect on. Life has been in chaos, I’m tired, I’m bushed, sum in up in two words, fucked up. So a portal for me to channel my thought would be extremely useful now for me.

Now I see my mom spending 12 hours on FaceBook and I wrote a wall post for her. Guess what, she deleted me as a friend. lol? Now given a little time to reflect, it’s her fucked up life she’s living, not mine’s. She’s the one wasting her life on the computer, not me, why should I care? Only problem is that she’s hogging the computer and I can smell my dad’s overheating computer already. If she doesn’t want help, fine be it. I get scolded for helping my mom. That’s a first, and now come to think of it, I fucking miss my dad. It’s true, although we spend so little time together, it is all those small moments that counts. Hope you’re doing well overseas appa (dad in korean), sarangheyo (love you in korean)

This made me also reflect on my addiction on games, particularly one game called MapleStory, and if you ask me to rewind back 4 years and ask if I would play maple. I would, cause you can’t learn without failing. One by one, every 1 of us quitted maple, due to our busy lives already. When I stopped playing maple, I suddenly found so much time to do more stuff. These are life lessons which will affect you for the rest of your lives. Trust me, in just 3 years in Dunman High, I learnt so many life lessons which I wouldn’t have learn elsewhere.

So what now for Guardian? Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, swimming, swimming. It’s just 4 months to Senior High, better late never, from now on, I’m going to live life to how I want to live it, and no-one is going to change it. Even as I’m typing this post, I’m getting happier already, because hopefully I’ll change for the better. Ironically, it took a few words of my Geography teacher to make me realise that. Man, I’m really fucked up.

I’ll end this post with one of my current ‘addictions’, *obvious right?* and what makes their performances so nice to watch? Practise, practise, practise, sprinkled in with some hardwork and determination. Some of them took 7 years of training just to debut, and they are referred as idol groups since many fans support them. Idol in another sense means someone to look upon, so maybe this will inspire me to do well when I see their performances. 9 days to guitar concert, focus nick focus you fag 😡

“Change is a welcomed friend…but only if it is invited.”
– Shane Pendley

I’m laying down the red carpet down already baby.

Merry Christmas!

Taking this chance to wish everyone who reads this post a Merry Christmas/belated Merry Christmas 🙂

Today I went to Christmas Stomp with Dillon and some other few people. The place was so crowded, people had to sit on the steps. The first hour was really nice, a video-game concept, and the actors really engaged with the audience. The ending was so abrupt, wished it could lasted longer and actually completed the game. The last hour was this guy talking and talking and talking and talking. I was so bored that I was so tempted to take out my iPod and listen to some K-pop. Bleh, after the whole thing ended, the other people were planning to go eat supper and see lights at Orchard, camp/ go to the forest (<— I wtf at this). But I'm not the type who likes to hang out so late, so I decided to go home. Thankfully, Dillon went with me and we went to drink some hot chocolate at Simei Starbucks. Anyway, I just want to thanks Mr Dillon Foo, my classmate and friend for 4 years for being with me all these while, without you I wouldn’t have survived to school. I enjoyed our 1 hour chat at Starbucks over that Christmas Stomp, although we won’t me classmates next year, I still love you LOL (in a brothery way). That just made me miss those Maple Legendhero gatherings, most of us quitted maple anyway. Miss you guys already!

So I got gifts for my family. The most funny thing is that I got my mom those toys where you can put your handphone in it, and my mom gave me the exact same thing, just a different thing. My family got around the artifical Christmas Tree and opened gifts around 15 mins. It’s so hard to get the whole family together for a fun time other than dinner, so it was great. It’s around 1am now, so I’m going to celebrate Christmas after my sleep. Right now, it’s still 2 weeks left to the start of Senior High. Seriously, I miss you 4F guys already, and that chat with Dillon just made you miss you guys even more. ❤ 4FlipFlops 09! I'll be forever [4FLIPFLOP’09<3!] Guardian, that 4flipflop tag will be with me on my MSN name for a while, maybe until i go into my new class. This Christmas surprisingly made me treasure the bond between us flippers even more. Another gathering pl0x…

2 weeks left, now learning the Hangul alphabet in Korean, hope to learn more and actually make some simple sentences. Hoping to learn some timing and learn more about the subbing processes in videos. Other than that, play less DoTa and Mousehunt and play more of my guitar. Hopefully I’ll settle my CCA soon. And this is my message to Guitar Ensamble, it’s your loss you didn’t chose me. I’ll still learn guitar, but maybe this is a blessing and a early christmas gift for me. Instead of playing guitar as a CCA, I can learn it as a hobby and something I can enjoy. I can focus on my studies more hopefully and play songs I actually I like. Watch me, I’ll make sure I own guitar, even if it takes me to lose even more skin on my fingers. After today, I realise I’m the type which should just stay in front of the comp,uter staying out late is not my type of thing. Call me a computer geek, it just suits me better. Haha

Another song for this Christmas, this song is Dreamland by BENNIE K (a J-pop song)

They can’t stop my heart!
Now get a party started alright!
omoi wo asu e nose
It’s like wonderland
te wo nobaseba alright!!
Then I feel like I’m dreaming!

A really happy song, fits the Christmas theme well.
Wishing all again another Happy Christmas! ^o^

Credits to padme for the picture, check out his amazing SNSD widescreen wallpapers here

Before I knew it… another day passes by… my footsteps take me back home.
With a thought that started with a strong heart, sometimes despite these tiring days.
This precious freedom drags my exausted body, and follows that road

Seoul, you’re my beautiful world, make my dreams come true.
Sooyoung ♥

although Sooyoung isn’t one of my favourite, this picture is just awesome!