The Fighter

Yays to actually writing more on a regular basis here heh, as this post will be on slightly deeper thoughts rather on the normal life updates. Y was talking about how his internship offer was a validation, and in the end everyone out there just needs that little push to start that motor running again. This is me hoping that this post becomes this small reminder for that push I need.

10 weeks, end of summer internship round 2. The structured internship that I wrote about in my cover letters… well let’s just say what I experienced was different from what I envisioned it to be. The mindset coming into this internship as compared to last year’s one is really different; as I have different expectations and different goals I wished to achieve. Rather than learning more audit itself as a profession, I got exposed much more to everything else; from office politics, team dynamics, developing interpersonal skills and the realities of the working world. The closest friends I made through internship was a Year 1 girl from NTU (4 years age gap omg cries) from another department, and another intern from SMU who was in advisory internal audit. Life continues to amaze me like seriously, as I would never expected myself to click well with people outside of my department. Ultimately, this internship provided a snapshot of the working world which I would be stepping in real soon, and it teaches you to really treasure student life where you have a superficial set of worries.

In the end, I got the thing I was aiming for at the beginning of the internship: that darn priority offer. Everyone in my department got it LOL, so it didn’t feel anything extraordinary but it still had that fine pinch of happiness when I held it in my own hands. There was a moment of relief among us when we opened our letters to see our POs because the constant worrying was over. The sister and I were joking how both of us are technically employed already, which is a position we are very fortunate to be in. I do not need to worry about pushing the CAP back up, and the pressure to search for a job in the future is no more. Pursuing audit as a full-time profession is a different story; and to be honest I liked what I do. The doubts come in the questions in whether I can handle the poor work-life balance of the job, along with the usual office politics that everyone in a company has to handle. Adulthood is real, and responsibilities are coming in because no one will be spoon feeding or taking care of you anymore. 

be a rainbow in somebody else’s cloud

During the previous semester, I let my emotions get the better of me and before the summer holidays started I decided to take a step back. Back to simplicity, just meeting people whom I miss and doing the things I love. I have been spending time with slightly different groups of people and honestly, the mood feels way better. Still haven’t walked completely away from a specific toxic environment, but I’m keeping my distance. Don’t ask me why I walked away from certain people or treat people differently, I’m just like a mirror: I reflect my actions on how people treat me. Maybe I turned more selfish idk, but my threshold for shitty humans have decreased. Throughout this summer, I turned to dance (which I will talk in detail in a different post) and grew to really enjoy the process of learning and improving. A few years ago, I turned to running to occupy my time/generate endorphins/release stress and ended up doing a marathon, so the sky is really the limit from here.

And onto slightly different, I have witnessed too many cases of people letting the infatuated feeling get the better of them. I absolutely hate the feeling that you need another person who probably doesn’t care as much to validate yourself. I’m not saying it’s awful to like someone (who doesn’t HAHA), it’s just you are so much more than what others think of you. Looking back to exchange, one of the main reasons I really enjoyed the fuck out of it because I only needed to care about myself. Maybe I’m just not ready to let someone else into my life, and the sense of independence from exchange that I grew doesn’t help the cause. 靠山山会倒, 靠人人会跑,幸福还是靠自己最好. I said this before to myself and to others: it’s perfectly okay to think about yourself because no one else to going to look out for you. What others think about you isn’t important at all; be so busy improving yourself that you do not have time to criticise others. 

Year 1 summer was all about new journeys out of the comfort zone. Yes it didn’t work out, but I would have regretted if I haven’t try and thankful for the experiences I had. Year 2 summer was more of a blur, as it was just internship and preparing for exchange. Year 3 summer? There’s still time left and I haven’t planned on what I want to do. Spent the first week organising the room; it has looked the neatest ever since I came back from exchange. Next week is reservist so I’m left with 2 weeks, which I want to make as damn fulfilling as it can be. Slowly feeling like life is slightly back on track after weeks of autopilot? Be a fighter, and fight on.

Everyone encounters some type of struggle and pressure, which rips them apart and tortures them mentally. until there’s no one there to support them, and they feel like giving up. Just keep going, and you’ll reach there someday. Failure isn’t the worst thing in the world, and you leave behind our scars of the past, and pursue our dreams no matter the obstacles in our path. You’re always faced with the option to give up, or the option to learn from your mistakes, and continue. #RIPChester