MAYday

"When words fail, music speaks"

“When words fail, music speaks”

May 5 2016, 11am. “Please put your pens down and stop writing”; never did I actually put my pen down as with every module, there wasn’t enough time to finish the paper and I try to squeeze in those last few numbers in an attempt to get some method marks. With that, it signalled the end of my first half of my university life. 2 years gone just like that, another 2 more and I would bid my farewell to the education system of Singapore & ultimately NUS. There wasn’t a sense of liberation this semester, the feeling of ‘freedom’ felt so numb for the first time.

Zero post-finals celebration this semester, I went back home for lunch after my paper LOL. In reality, I have been outside studying ever since Reading Week so even a simple home-cooked lunch at home is a rare happening. Went out again later during the evening and the day after. Had dance (like finally) on Saturday so the sleep that I was so deprived of had to wait till Sunday. Needless to say that I spent the day hibernating on the bed, just pure sinless sleeping. Indeed as you get older, you treasure your sleeping time more hahas.

It really was the most disastrous semester academics wise, I always felt like I was lagging behind in every single module. Only when reading week came, then I had some breathing room and managed to get back to my old studying groove. but it came way too late, 13 weeks too late lmao. I was unable to fully understand and grasp onto the concepts for all my modules; needless to say I wouldn’t be too surprised if I flunked this semester because it was really Project Save My Grades From Total Disaster during this reading week. Maybe that’s why there was no sense of liberation; because I felt undeserving of a ‘break’.

During reading week, it was back to closet mugging, back to studying alone. Without any project deadlines or presentations that I had to worry about, the body and brain functioned so much better. It really was the most productive 1 week ever in my university life LOL. Perhaps why it felt so productive was because the other 13 weeks felt super unproductive. Taking last MRT train rides back home was the norm as I head out every single day to study, because I seriously function too well outside and at night. If I was in school studying, Business School was my choice of location because it’s a frightening scene to see people wake up and arrive early to ‘chope’ prime spots. Only in Singapore indeed seriously.

I do admit that I shut out a lot of people during these few weeks. A friend even asked why I became ‘anti-social’ all of a sudden… was it that extreme?!! Okays maybe I acted in that manner because I never felt so desperate in trying to save my grades and cramming everything that I didn’t understand. I exhausted my entire social circle for study buddies, and as always shoutout to those who I had productive study sessions with :D. I really have become increasingly particular with the people around me when it comes to studying. I have come to realise the different principles and standards I set for myself as compared to others. If I didn’t study with a particular person, it doesn’t mean that that person is dumb; it just means that we have different studying mindsets & philosophies. And yes, it can be really a damn huge difference.

commencement2

when graduating seems so near yet so far

Sidetracking for a while, after 3 months of countless resume submissions and 5 interviews, I finally got a summer audit internship. Barely. It was a feeling of relief rather than exhilaration that I finally secured an internship over this summer holiday. It wasn’t as easy as I thought it would be to get an internship, things aren’t just going to be given to you during your whole life. The economy now is supposedly bad, as many same-age friends who finally graduated haven’t secured a job yet. Some jobs feel like they are a bubble which is slowly going to explode anytime *cough finance cough*. The only people who I know have jobs secured already are 1)Business seniors and 2)Scholarship holders. The only comfort I know I have with my Accountancy degree is the safety net of being able to find a job; accountancy graduates are in demand regardless of market conditions. This internship search feels like a prelude to the future job hunt in 2 years, let’s hope the economy is in better condition by then.

Still, thankful that I was able to get an internship despite economic conditions. No expectations about the internship, just hoping that I take away some new knowledge and experience after 12 weeks there. 12 FREAKING WEEKS LEH!!! No complains but really hoping I don’t turn to a zombie at the end of the internship. Still remember how I was freaking out and already planning for worst-case scenarios in the case where I really couldn’t get an internship. The lazy me inside undoubtedly wants to do nothing and slack give myself a break through the summer holiday, but friendly reminder to self that clearing an internship is compulsory to graduate LOL, just sucks that it has to be done out of our own holidays. Sucks even more when you see nearly everyone in the world overseas, from graduation trips to those still on exchange. Can’t wait for my turn to fly off when the rest have their asses back in SG muahahahaha.

throwback to first ever camp dry run

throwback to first ever camp dry run

It has been only 1 year since I took part in my last orientation camp, but damn 1 year really feels so long ago. Life advice to juniors out there: 1 year of FOPs is more than enough; unless you are some social butterfly you are better off doing something else during your summer holidays. Especially business juniors, work experience is valued much higher than committee positions in our school-related activities. Crazy that I had the stamina to take part in so many camps before, being sleep-deprived for 4 days straight. From camps to camping in office… get it? Okays lame joke LOL, This year is the sister’s turn to be involved in camps, looking at her now makes me think I’m really too old for this. Omg 1 year can really jinjja make such a huge difference.

Mundane 3 months of summer ahead, but as always hoping for small pockets of excitement & happiness along the way. I have witnessed and heard too much of the ugly side of humans, so a break from school is also a break from humans. It’s a real world out there indeed… as time passes you start to see the flaws in everyone. Not everyone is inherently good as you wished they were, and in the end, you must navigate to find the ones who truly and sincerely love you for just the way you are. Those who view you based on your usefulness towards them, those who only care about themselves and their ‘exclusive’ social circles; I have seen enough of this kind in Business. Relationships were meant to be pure and simple, not complicated and calculative.

Not saying that I’m perfect as a person, I am perfectly flawed, but my intentions are always good. All part of growing up I suppose, life isn’t the magic fairytale we envisioned to be. No matter how much you believe in a person, trust a person, do everything for a person, they can always stab you in the back. The more you love and trust them, the worse it will hurt if they do so; and always remember that you can be the one hurting others as well.

“그땐 몰랐을 거야 아마 모른척했을 거야 너무 어렸었잖아”

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