I’m still forever posting something school related here, and sadly I think it’s going to stay that way for a while LOL. I’ll try my best to deviate from the usual ranting of school-related stuff and also not to repeat myself again. Just a short update before going back to studying mode (like I ever was whoops).
Recess and reading weeks were 2 periods where I really needed to utilize to catch up on my studies. No shit didn’t happen at all. There was so much negativity around me for the past few months, and my poor mental state just made the issue even worse. I was giving half fuck towards everything. The preparation for 2 concerts were both physically and mentally draining on me. If I looked at it as a whole semester, it was just poor time management on my part; it could have been possible to keep up all these commitments. However, it could have also been just my incapability to juggle all of these activities along with my studies. The irony that I keep repeating on the fact that I need my personal time and space, when I myself am engaged in so many school activities. After attending 2 different concerts for 2 different CCAs, the paths I went through in KDT and GENUS have been scarily so different. I won’t go into details, but there are many obvious questions there are in my mind regarding them. What S said was so goddamn true; that the things you do in the CCA doesn’t really matter; what matters in the end are the people in the CCA. Although you might see me rant a lot about my CCA, even though some might not have been as enjoyable as I hoped for it to be, everything is a learning process and no regrets!
Ranting aside (ranting again sigh), it really feels great to have my weekends free again. Only recently did I legitimately feel that I had a proper study session, took me over 2 months for that to happen LOL. It was truly a much needed break from my school activities, along with a huge wake up call to get back to my studies. It wasn’t any specific event that triggered this wake up call, it was more of a barrage of unhappy things which accumulated over the weeks. It was damn obvious from my speech and ‘pissed off face’ (quoting someone HAHA) everyday in school. It was dumb of me to spend time with toxic people, it was dumb of me to lower my own standard to some people, and it was dumb of me to let someone have so much influence on my emotions. “Sometimes you have to get knocked down lower than you have ever been, to stand up taller than you ever were.”
I’m used to be alone nowadays, .. It’s not that I’m a loner or I need my personal space. It’s just that I’m used to being self sufficient, or as P mentioned, introverts like us are used to having our doors closed, and we only open it up to the right people. In school, you’re kinda used to seeing people always hanging out together and scared to be judged and seen as a loner just because you are alone. The problem is… these right people are hard to find. I’m always suanning a certain person whose spending so much time together with another someone (no first letters sorry), then this person went on to comment on me always being alone and asking if I’m jealous. LOL… bitch please “A lion doesn’t concern himself with the opinion of a sheep.” That’s why it’s important to be happy on your own terms, and not let anyone else decide what are the terms to happiness. No one ever said that you have to be with people to be happy, if I’m happy being alone then all is well. Everyday is still a learning process on how I feel I can improve as a person, and again everyone has their own definition of ‘improve’. I can say I’m still immature as fuck, so I really hope that I can work on just simply be a better person I was yesterday, always baby steps 🙂
The start of finals is less than 2 weeks away, fortunately (or maybe unfortunately if you see it from another point of view) my finals this time are spread out quite nicely. A very busy (& self-inflicted I must say) holiday awaits: NBC, UC & U-Y. My interviews for OGL/councilor was uhm… interesting? >.< Instead of showing an enthusiastic side which most people would be looking out for, I decided to show a more caring side which somehow worked out. YAYS! From the start, I applied for all these camps without much expectations and there was nothing to lose anyways. I would have been satisfied to play a part in any of the camps that I signed up for and somehow again, I got into all the camps that I signed up. DOUBLE YAYS! Can’t imagine myself being that enthusiastic senior trying to hype up everyone, first steps into being a senior haha. More new experiences. TRIPLE YAYS! 🙂 hehehe yes i siao liao LOL.
A bit sad to not have the time to post here. One of the reasons why I have been lagging behind here is because all of my posts seems so depressing and negative. Yes this WordPress has been a ranting ground but obviously it would be really nice to post some happy moments, but I guess it’s harder than I expected. Another hiatus till after finals. The holidays are lined up with many activities, really can’t wait but please Nick, focus on studies. FOCUS!!!! Fun can wait, it’s time to save the semester~
So difficult to care and not care at the same time…