Supposedly, the previous post was supposed to be named “The Impending Doom I” and this post was supposed to be named “The Impending Doom II”. but what’s with all the negativity? POSITIVE, THINK POSITIVE.
Since I already touched on the topic of Results Day, this post would be regarded to the impending army life I am facing. (Although I’m shitting in my pants regarding this fucked up day in 12 hours, I’m ranting way too much on something that has been determined 3 months ago). I was ACTUALLY quite looking forward to army, went on the BMTC tour with Leon’s family and it didn’t look too bad. Went on to watch the “Every Singapore Son” series, which makes BMT look like a very enriching experience and has really changed many people. After the 1st bookout, everyone which went in were saying how shitty Tekong was, which freaked me out a little. All the army terms, the random pumping, the physical training, or the screw-ups which may send you straight to the Detention Barracks. I mean, my hands were shaking with sweaty palms when I was playing the drums during Centerstage, and now I need to hold a rifle and throw a grenade with the same pair of hands… *faints*. I don’t even dare to ride the stupid Galactica ride at USS and I was closing my eyes during the Mummy ride *faints even more*. Furthermore, most of the guys are much more fitter than me, and if they are dying inside, then I’m a definite goner LOL. The only consolation for me is the 8-week PTP, which would surely help me in preparation of the actual BMT. Our generation now is having it much easier as compared to our fathers during their time serving NS, and they have gone through worse, so why am I still feeling afraid? Both physical and mental strength are essential if you are to survive NS. The physical part, although a worry, is not the problem since the army would be largely able to help us through intensive training. The part I’m scared about is the mental part, which I have no idea whether I have the strength required. I’m really afraid that all of a sudden I just can’t take the training and go suicide, which is the dumbest thing to do. Yes, I know it is fucking dumb, but when you can’t take it, these stupid thoughts would slowly creep in. can I survive the confinement period? 18 days without your friends, your family and just you alone on the lonely island doing physical training day after day. Fortunately, I received some tips from the people whom have experience the “shithole”, such as counting down only when a week remains, and thinking about your friends who are going through the same shithole as you. (I’m looking at you Dillon and Jun Jie LOL)
Army for me is like the As: You know it’s coming, and avoiding it wouldn’t solve the problem, so might as well change your mindset and just take it with an open mind. I needed help on improving my physical fitness, and I would get it when I’m inside. I believe that army can be one of those life-changing experiences, especially for people like me who isn’t really quite independent and has no uniform group experience, perhaps you would say “pampered too Much”. In army, I get free training, accommodation, and getting paid at the same time! (killing many birds with 1 enlistment :O). And since you’re in that shithole and you aren’t getting out any time sooner, put in your best effort, as the only person benefiting in the end is yourself (just like the As and your results). Hopefully I don’t chao geng LOL, go out and do your best and ultimately come out as a better person. Chao geng would not help the cause of helping my fitness level during BMT. Make some new friends too, since we are all going through the same thing together for 4 months. I have been always using NS as an excuse recently to pig out so no more excuses (LOSE ALL THE WEIGHT!). Although it would be tough, it would be an exciting journey. You need some challenges in life, and NS is just one of many brick walls in the future, and that’s how you keep improving as a person. You need a first in everything in your life, and well getting screamed at by someone supposedly ranked higher than you would be an interesting first for me. As Terence mentioned to me, everyone would be looking forward to seeing you after your confinement, so I can’t come back as a fatter person or something.
Hopefully, HOPEFULLY, I will have the strength and perseverance to survive the confinement period and come out as a better person after the whole NS journey. I know that I have my friends and family when I feel demoralized and they are the ones which I would miss dearly during the confinement period. After that, 5 days is seriously nothing. So please look forward to a better me soon HAHA! 🙂