To the future we go

It has been roughly 2 months since results day, this post should have been out way earlier, but I haven’t really had the time to sit down and write/type it out. This is just going to be my thoughts regarding my A Level journeys and everything else, what went right for me and the future installed for me.

me with my class :)

Got to school, got my results, the end. That’s is basically a summary of what happened that day. Everyone in the school (as expected) did well, we had 90+ people getting 6As and above, which gives them a passport whatever course their heart desires. What I was more worried about are the rest of the 300 of us, can we get into the course of our choice? Or even worse, can we even get into any local university? Flashing back to what Mr Yap said to us a year ago, would we be crying tears of joy or tears of sorrow and regret? The wait to receive our results was so fucking bad, totally feel like shit during that moment. How would my 2 years of studying come out? All of these questions would be answered once I see those letters on that piece of paper…

So what was the end results? 3 words: Totally worth it. Of course, it could have been better, but I’m satisfied and happy, that is all that matters. Those mugging sessions in the school library, Starbucks, NLB, Subway, have not gone to waste! It also felt great to see all your effort paid off in the end. I supposed all the things I previously told myself really helped: the positive mindset, the constant hard work, the never-say-die attitude. Being “academically-challenged” for 4 years doesn’t mean that you have to be the same for the next 2 years. I still recall an assembly talk which showed statistics correlating GPA and A level results, well sorry but I didn’t see myself getting bad results since I had a lousy GPA. To those who think they aren’t “meant for studies”, don’t believe in those bullshit. People are “smart” for a reason, they study and put in the work, it’s just that simple. If you claim you study but still can’t get results, review your methods. Studying while talking to someone won’t help you absorb much, so there is always something out there where you can improve in. The most important thing is not to give up, never give up. Although you may feel down at times, just think how badly you want it, cause if you do, you will definitely work for it.

Here, I really have to thank the teachers who have helped me immensely throughout those 2 years: Mr Ng Hao Jin, whom I give full credit for saving my maths when I was at my worst and re-instilling my long lost passion in maths. My chemistry tuition teacher Chris, who although may not be the most knowledgeable, but always puts in the effort in preparing questions despite having another job. My economics tuition teachers Mr “Sean Pang” and Mr Gilbert Lee, one which gave me the foundation and another who probably vomitted marking my essays :x. And Mdm Koh Li Keng, who helped me at the final stretch of the As, even though I wasn’t her student which made me twice as grateful. I feel awfully sorry to Mr Augustine Chan for my below-par GP grade, who always comes up with interesting acronyms to help his students in GP.

And that’s for me, but what about the others? Some of them did well, got close to the 6As needed to stand on stage. Some did worse than expected, but good enough for most universities. And there are the others, whom I’m really worried about: those who may not even be able to go to a university, or go to courses not even close to their preference. It’s really frustrating to see people whom you know studied hard, but the results did not show on that goddamn freaking piece of paper. Some of them are your close friends, but you can’t do anything but say: “It’s going to be alright”, which doesn’t really help, which leads me to the post A-level days… The most surprising thing that happened the day after results day is that a teacher, whom I didn’t expect at all, called me. She congratulated me for my results, and lead to the discussion of my class, where some did not do well. She told me to do something for them to comfort them etc, which at that point of time I didn’t really care, but I don’t know why, but in the end I decided to write something for them, kinda like what I write here. I even wrote a draft first before typing it out and posted on Facebook, and what the heck, might as well tag along the 4F guys as well. To be honest, that post doesn’t sound like me at all, because I never really open up in front of my class unlike I do here. But thankfully, I got a positive response from it, even some teachers texted/Fb-message me and told me that they liked the note. What I wanted to say is all in the note, so those who are interested can read the note at the link below

http://www.facebook.com/notes/nick-lim/to-my-dearest-friends-classmates-and-anyone-else-that-i-might-know/10150604239626888

So what is installed for me in the future? Well I got accepted into NUS Faculty of Science :). In the end, I chose interest over “utility”. With my grades, I could have gone into other courses which promised a better future, such as Business or Accountancy, but as I told myself, since I am going to study something for the next 4 years, might as well make it as enjoyable as possible. It always gets tempting to go to a course which seems more “sought-after”, but I think I made the correct decision and went with my heart, rather than just future practicability. I would probably have an average salary, but at least I would be doing something I enjoy. Just a little conflicted between Applied Mathematics and Statistics, both have its pros and cons. This leads to another big question mark in my life, what am I going to be in the future? I seriously don’t want to be a maths teacher LOL, but that seems like what most people do with a maths degree. Teaching do seems fun, but not as a profession. Imagine students come find me for consultations and I don’t know how to solve the question.. And how interesting could teaching Maths be? There’s only 1 way to solve it. Let’s just hope that I made the right decision!

So university life let’s go! But that would have to wait till 5 March 2014… Can’t wait to say the word ORD LO!

 

Time to be a soldier

Supposedly, the previous post was supposed to be named “The Impending Doom I” and this post was supposed to be named “The Impending Doom II”. but what’s with all the negativity? POSITIVE, THINK POSITIVE.

Since I already touched on the topic of Results Day, this post would be regarded to the impending army life I am facing. (Although I’m shitting in my pants regarding this fucked up day in 12 hours, I’m ranting way too much on something that has been determined 3 months ago). I was ACTUALLY quite looking forward to army, went on the BMTC tour with Leon’s family and it didn’t look too bad. Went on to watch the “Every Singapore Son” series, which makes BMT look like a very enriching experience and has really changed many people. After the 1st bookout, everyone which went in were saying how shitty Tekong was, which freaked me out a little. All the army terms, the random pumping, the physical training, or the screw-ups which may send you straight to the Detention Barracks. I mean, my hands were shaking with sweaty palms when I was playing the drums during Centerstage, and now I need to hold a rifle and throw a grenade with the same pair of hands… *faints*. I don’t even dare to ride the stupid Galactica ride at USS and I was closing my eyes during the Mummy ride *faints even more*. Furthermore, most of the guys are much more fitter than me, and if they are dying inside, then I’m a definite goner LOL. The only consolation for me is the 8-week PTP, which would surely help me in preparation of the actual BMT. Our generation now is having it much easier as compared to our fathers during their time serving NS, and they have gone through worse, so why am I still feeling afraid? Both physical and mental strength are essential if you are to survive NS. The physical part, although a worry, is not the problem since the army would be largely able to help us through intensive training. The part I’m scared about is the mental part, which I have no idea whether I have the strength required. I’m really afraid that all of a sudden I just can’t take the training and go suicide, which is the dumbest thing to do. Yes, I know it is fucking dumb, but when you can’t take it, these stupid thoughts would slowly creep in. can I survive the confinement period? 18 days without your friends, your family and just you alone on the lonely island doing physical training day after day. Fortunately, I received some tips from the people whom have experience the “shithole”, such as counting down only when a week remains, and thinking about your friends who are going through the same shithole as you. (I’m looking at you Dillon and Jun Jie LOL)

Army for me is like the As: You know it’s coming, and avoiding it wouldn’t solve the problem, so might as well change your mindset and just take it with an open mind. I needed help on improving my physical fitness, and I would get it when I’m inside. I believe that army can be one of those life-changing experiences, especially for people like me who isn’t really quite independent and has no uniform group experience, perhaps you would say “pampered too Much”. In army, I get free training, accommodation, and getting paid at the same time! (killing many birds with 1 enlistment :O). And since you’re in that shithole and you aren’t getting out any time sooner, put in your best effort, as the only person benefiting in the end is yourself (just like the As and your results). Hopefully I don’t chao geng LOL, go out and do your best and ultimately come out as a better person. Chao geng would not help the cause of helping my fitness level during BMT. Make some new friends too, since we are all going through the same thing together for 4 months. I have been always using NS as an excuse recently to pig out so no more excuses (LOSE ALL THE WEIGHT!). Although it would be tough, it would be an exciting journey. You need some challenges in life, and NS is just one of many brick walls in the future, and that’s how you keep improving as a person. You need a first in everything in your life, and well getting screamed at by someone supposedly ranked higher than you would be an interesting first for me. As Terence mentioned to me, everyone would be looking forward to seeing you after your confinement, so I can’t come back as a fatter person or something.

Hopefully, HOPEFULLY, I will have the strength and perseverance to survive the confinement period and come out as a better person after the whole NS journey. I know that I have my friends and family when I feel demoralized and they are the ones which I would miss dearly during the confinement period. After that, 5 days is seriously nothing. So please look forward to a better me soon HAHA! :)

 

Results? What results? =P

And after As finished, you thought the day would never come… Well hell no, it’s coming in a week. 7 DAYS! sigh

With more than half of the guys in the army (I will talk about the army in another post), I got really a lot of time in hand with basically little/nothing to do (because lazy me didn’t go find a decent job =.=). And when you’re alone, you really start to think a lot: The past, the present, the future, basically anything to kill your boredom. These thoughts (for me) start to change to WordPress posts (since this is the only avenue for me to express myself, I’m not really the journal type of person). I never really thought about the As, since I was doing so much other stuff with the other guys before they went to the army. Nowadays, I spend my time alone, going to Starbucks to read a book, or maybe venture around Orchard like an awe-stricken tourist (yes Orchard seems like a new place to me LOL). The one thing the army guys told me is that army thought them who to treasure the normal life. Well, I always try to do that, but when you are really going to the army, you really just enjoy anything you do on the sunny island Singapore. From walking on the streets, jogging around Kembangan, to even being at your home, yeah these kinds of things you would definitely start to miss when you’re in the army. Going a little off-topic, back on topic. During this month, I met up with the remained “survivors” a couple of times, mostly for dinner. I still recalled that we were joking during dinner that results day was in 3 weeks, and when we meet again for dinner the week after, it’s 2 weeks. Newsflash, it’s now only a week.

I always try to tell myself this: Results aren’t everything, there is more to life than those grades on a piece of paper. But truth be told, those grade are actually the most important thing in our current 18 years on Mother Earth. It basically decides your future. Perhaps it’s the Asian culture where there is a lot of emphasis on grades, that’s why I’m feeling antsy no reason these few days =.=”. Although people tell me that I’ll do fine, I don’t really believe that because I REALLY REALLY burned out at the end. It has been 6 years since I took a major exam. and PSLE didn’t really came out well for me. Hell, I was candidate for top PSLE student in my school but in the end I didn’t make it to the top 10 and end up being the person entering Dunman High with the worst and ugliest PSLE score. That’s where I probably lost all my confidence, since I didn’t really deserve to be in DHS. I had DSA to DHS before PSLE, but if I recalled correctly I didn’t really slack and still put in my best for PSLE like the little Maths-loving nerd I was back then. Maybe I was meant to be in DHS. During the school visit to DHS on CNY, Mr Chang asked us if we regretted joining DHS. Well I didn’t really have a choice right? Maybe because I was from an all-guys school, so the thought of a mixed school really irked me. (But now puberty strikes and we mature, things are much different now :X) Things would have been so much different if I went on the normal O-Level 4 year programme (I probably wouldn’t have such a fruitful Year 4 experience, as substantiated by the lack of excitement in my Year 6 life ha) and went on to a different JC. Although my Senior High life I would say is an really enriching experience (the changes in attitude, playing in an ensemble, rocking in a band, even the mugging sessions), you can’t really enjoy the school life when there is the existence of a major exams. That why I CAN’t FIGURE why people miss school. I mean, you want to go through the whole torture of taking the As again, although I won’t deny that schooling is the best times of anyone’s life. Nothing much to worry, and studies seem to be an easier task then being out there in the cruel world and earning a salary. (going off-topic again sheesh). I always think if I would excel in other JCs since half my SH teachers sucked, but there are the rare teachers who are willing to go the extra mile to help the student. Respect and hats off to these teachers. There are many teachers I do not want to let down, since they put in so much effort to help us but later at the end, nothing comes out. True, most of them would say that results don’t matter, but you do want to repay their efforts by showing them the shiny A grade beside the subject they taught you. Unlike some teachers who mends their blog shop, ask us to go take As on the other year and keep nagging at us… *cough cough*. At the end, I just wonder if all of the “effort” (if I actually did put in any ~.~) would be in vain. The infamous 10 Econs essays I write every week which got me infamous in Learner’s Lodge LOL, the many Prelim papers you did, the consultations you found and crammed especially before the start of the As, the mugging sessions in school, the Learning Center, NLB, Starbucks and Subways and the things you sacrifice to study (my K-dramas and SNSD’s comeback LOL). In the end, would your efforts be shown on that result slip? Sometimes it doesn’t, which sucks so much. I always believe that effort would translate into results, but the harsh reality is that it’s not always the case, ok maybe 90%, but what happens if my results turn out to be that 10%? Shit happens (and especially to me .__.)

You always to look at the other side of the puzzle (or coin or whatever analogy you can think of). Even if I really flunked As and get into a lousy course, it’s really not the end of the world. I still have my family and my friends, who are the people that reminds you why it is so awesome to be alive. Ok, maybe in the future I won’t get a good pay and would have to wait 20 years to afford a car, but that’s isn’t really anything. Maybe I would emo for a few days, go into army and continuing to emo, come out and emo, which is really a pitiful scenario LOL, but hopefully I would be able to recover from being such a lousy student. Reminds me of the movie 那些年 where me and my sis recently watched (Maybe it’s because of my lousy Chinese, but watching a movie is so much better than reading the book), the girl said that she only knew to study and study, and in the end she didn’t do well. Kinda sounds like me… No idea why I’m so negative about As. For the past night, I have been imagining how the day would be itself (explains the insomnia >.<): Wake up, shower, go on lappy to check FB/Twitter/9gag/allkpop, go to school, meet up with teachers and friends, Dr. Foo comes out and talk a bunch of crap which I probably won't listen because I'm too nervous and at any time going to shit in my pants, wait to collect results, collect results. FIN. It's either :) or :(. Oh, and perhaps have class dinner during the evening and have a nice chat, after which in my 3 days before army, SQUEEZE ALL THE UNI APPLICATIONS (that's if my grades allow me to do so).

I always like to read back on my WordPress posts, so this is a little message to myself: No matter how the results would turn out, all I can say is that I tried my best. No point thinking about it or regretting, because I won't do anything to your grades. Don't compare my results to others and their straight As because I am not them. In the case where I do well, keep my mouth shut and be humble, and don't be an asshole and go run around the hall dancing to Tell Me Your Wish when there are people out there who might have not done well. Don't ask for grades, just ask "Are you satisfied with your grades?". IT doesn't if it's straight As or ABBB, as long as you are satisfied, that is really good enough. You do not always need to get to perfection. And lastly, don’t let those mere letters get you down or your ego up.

I just read finished Ellen’s new book, maybe you would notice in the tone and style of this post, and that this is written more of a first person POV and hope that anyone (if anyone actually comes here) can put themselves in my shoes after reading what I think. Till then, the next post I go!

7 FREAKING DAYS, STRESS AHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

 

Complicated

I decided to post some thoughts here on this wordpress, because Facebook and Twitter are too mainstream. Ok it’s not because they are too mainstream, but because here is the only place I feel that I can express my thoughts.

Thought of Avril Lavigne’s Complicated when I was typing this post~

I had something in my head/heart/chest (not sure how you should call it) which I have been hiding to myself for close to 18 months. It felt really good to just finally tell someone and know that at least someone out there knows about it. Sometimes, it just takes one person to open up, and gradually people start to open up themselves and share their own stories. The results are surprising: when I shared my story with Dillon, he also FINALLY shared something about himself. Maybe it’s because of the school environment or something, but it was nice to have the guys sit together in one night and just share about stuff while having fun at the same time. Also, you would realize how awesome they are, and no matter what happens, they would support you all the way (like true brothers!). Some of my pals just read my PERFECTLY, like a book. Maybe my actions are too obvious or I can’t hide my emotions well. That’s why sometimes I use this poor WordPress to vent my anger and frustration at times. Now without school, all these bad emotions are gone, but with most of the guys gone, there is no one you can share the good emotions with. Reiterating what Terence said, friends are really important. They are like your second family, just that they are not bonded by blood ties.

I didn’t really think about this after the As, or probably even my whole 2 years of Senior High life, I just thought it was a silly thought of mine and tried to shake it off. Maybe because I was too worked up with studies, or I just didn’t really think of the possibility and just gave up on the thought. I am an extremely shy guy (I didn’t really think of myself that way, but that’s what all the other people say I am), so things get really difficult. I just can’t seem to be “shameless”, it’s not my character. Hell, I even feel shy asking to help take stuff. I don’t really “socialize” and keep spamming messages on my phone, I must be one of the rare kind who can survive without my phone. Even after As ended, I didn’t think about it since the chances are close to zero already. In December, most of us were slacking and just relaxing, and thus I didn’t give it a thought at all. Just wanted to spend time with my close friends before they went to NS, work etc.

During January, the guys finally got the chance to get together at Janson’s house (because someone didn’t organize a chalet *stares at Dillon Foo* LOL), but it was close enough. Not sure if it was Dillon or JJ who suggested it, we managed to dig out some stuff from Dillon and Leon haha. During the last gathering before most of them book in for NS, I told a few more people about it. Surprisingly, most of them encouraged me instead of just the usual nodding, which was really heartwarming. I also thought that for a guy like me, it is impossible for me to do something like that. Even Janson who doesn’t know about it talked to me and that few words really, really helped me (don’t know if he was trying to hint something to me, but thanks anyway bro!). Sometimes, I just wished I had the courage and confidence to do it earlier, but I wouldn’t have gained the guts and determination required if I haven’t talked to those 7 guys. (Wished I had the time to tell my story to Janson >.<)

Through my 1st HTHT with Terence, I realized that things are not as easy as what it seems. The first few months may seem like a breeze, but it is really the later parts which is the real test. People told me to think through it, and I REALLY REALLY REALLY gave it a sincere thought so that I won't regret it. I thought of nearly everything out there, the present, the future, and how much was I willing to sacrifice and get out of my comfort zone. Now, I'm telling myself this: Even if it doesn't work out at the end, at least I can tell myself that I tried my best. And it's a first for me anyways, no one gets it right on the 1st try. Just go for it! I even added a 11th thing to do in my bucket List before NS due to this. (I'm getting too addicted on the idea of a bucket list haha)

It’s better to fail trying than wondering what could have happened if you tried

아자 아자 화이팅!

 

It’s good to be alive! Life after A’s

It’s the new year, and for the first time in my 18 years, I do not need to go to school. Whew joy to the world! After being finally released (temporary) from the education system and given a load of free time, I really finally had the time to just relax, look at the ceiling (LOL) and have nothing to worry about. Most people I know have a job during the holidays, but I just choose to slack my remaining days off and really, REALLY, enjoy life to the max, and just do the many things I wanted and love to do when I didn’t have the time to do last year. During the 2 years in Senior High, most of my time was spent on “closet-mugging” and I didn’t really get to do much, maybe except during the holidays in Year 5 and the beginning of Year 5 where I just slacked too, but back then studies was still my top priority. One K-drama I could relate back to would be Scent Of A Woman, where the lead basically got only a few months to live and lived her life to the fullest after years of hardship. (ok you can’t say 2 years of SH life is exactly hardship, and I don’t literally have a few weeks to live, just using a metaphor).

It’s the new year, but basically nothing changes

After A’s, I have 3 months of free time to do all the stuff I wanted to do. Fortunately, I worked out the stuff I wanted to do before and during the A Level period, and I don’t necessarily have to complete my list before I head for enlistment, just enjoy the process while doing it. I previously wrote about going to MAMA and SNSD concert, which was basically the top 2 stuff I wanted to do Korean-related after the As. Actually going to either 1 of those would have been sufficient, but although the tickets were expensive, it was really fun to have gone all to those (no need for the details). I also wanted to go to Korea, but if I wanted to go Korea, I had to miss the SNSD concert. Any dumbass would have gone to Korea, but c’mon, going to a SNSD concert was literally a once-in-a-lifetime chance to see them perform all their songs. I saw them once live in MAMA already, but one song was definitely not enough :O. I don’t know if they would return to Singapore again, and even if they do, I could be stuck in the army. By the time I have enough money to go to Korea, they might have retired or gone inactive already. How could I say no? Well, maybe next time for Korea, since it’s going to be there forever and I would always have the chance to go there once I have the time and money. Heck, I could go there for an exchange program during university. There are many other opportunities out there, no point crying over one. Instead, I went to Taipei and did the same stuff again. Eat, shop, eat, visit relatives, eat, walk around, eat. I gained 3kg itself from the 1-week trip itself (mother of god), but it was nice to see my relatives in Taipei, which I didn’t see for close to 2 years. Went to see some distant relatives for the 1st time as well, which was kind of interesting because you are meeting people who are living in really different environments. The stronger family bond is evident, which is heartwarming to see, but we do have our similarities, such as our constant usage of our phones and my female cousins having a sweet tooth (just like my sis). I missed the year-end prom AND class trip to Thailand just for this trip, but no matter what, family comes first. I never really thought about how hard is it for my mom to be only able to her mom (which is my grandma) once every year or two, BASED on me and my sister’s schedule. If I can’t go to Korea, Taiwan would be the second best thing. I wanted to travel at least once outside of Singapore during the 3 month break, since Singapore to me is really a concrete jungle, and even the sunset is like a rare scene for me here.

me goofing around with my sis with one of our SUPER RARE zi pai attempts LOL

Other than attending Korean-related events, I also got to do many other stuff related to it. I watched tons of drama, some at a slow pace, but some at disgustingly fast speed (I finished Scent Of a Woman in 2 days and Protect The Boss in 3 days). After the new year arrived, I went back and continued learning Korean, which I stopped for a while during Year 5 in order to focus on studies. Most of my friends think I study Korean just for my love for SNSD, which is true ONLY to a certain extent (lol self-denial). I really like the Korean culture, which I learnt from Korean documentaries and dramas and there is many things about Korea which are intriguing and tend to be forgotten, from other genres of Korean music to the culture and even the food. This includes myself, who can’t seem to stop idolizing SNSD until it gets to the point of being annoying, but I would say I’m not so into K-pop and the Korean wave as compared to perhaps 2 years ago. I don’t go on Soshified everyday or listen to K-pop everyday lol. But still as I stated before, I would support those 9 girls all the way! Many tend to forget or don’t even know the hard work these idols put into their debut. Although I don’t like all the K-pop groups, I do have respect for all of them, given the years of dedication they put into their work and practice, along with the ability for them to survive the wrath of the many kinds of fans. Other than that, I do fan subs, which after going through the process itself, realize how tiring the process is. Dramas are much easier, but imagine a group of people talking to each other in a variety show, and not to mention the captions. But all of these I’m just taking it as an experience and take that I’m helping the community, as well as the subbing groups who 100% do it for the fans (unlike some which do for the fans)

9 angels <3

Other than that, there are many things I’ve done. Sometimes, I would just sit down and play the guitar, while singing out songs at the balcony by myself. Although there isn’t a beautiful view or something (all I see is the PIE lol), it feels great with the silent night and night breeze blowing at you. I also do go exercise on a more regular basis, such as going to the gym or go for a run. Running around the Kembangan track really feels good, and it really helps you clear your mind and worries (things just feel so awesome when done at night). Having a healthy body really makes you feel good. You don’t really need to have a killer figure, just one which is healthy. I also started to read books, which kinda reminded me of my Primary School days which I read every single Roald Dahl book. Having school means I just couldn’t find the time to read books, but now I do haha. I always imagined myself to be at a Starbucks, sipping at hot coffee while reading a book, which I get to do now! Last year, I go there and study, while getting chased at times, but now no such thing happens! Enjoying the rich coffee smell, sitting on the dimly lit shop on a couch and just read a book. I should be out with a job and earning money, but I’ve been doing the opposite and blowing money instead, which makes me feel like a lazy pig. (writes note: must find job after NS)

Of course, I do go out with friends (I do not stay at home all day okay -_-). Like what Terence said, friends are REALLY important. When you have no one to turn to, you can always turn to your friends. It’s always nice to meet friends after school ended, from 4F to 24 to any one I’ve met during my 6 years in DHS. Although there was no 4F or 24 chalet (lazy me…), there were many outings between both class and guys that I went, and it’s just feels really good to just sit down, chill, relax and chat about stuff. I also (like 18 months haha) finally got to clear something off my head through HTHT haha, so it’s all good. Most of the guys are enlisting in like a few days, and I really wanted to spend more time with them, but all of us have to go serve our nation, sooner and later. During my break, I really got to spend good time together, from cocking around, going to the gym, eating together, talking to each other about life, and many other things. I would really miss the school times we spent together, and hopefully all of us can keep in touch (which I’m sure we would). Especially for someone like me which is incredibly shy, it’s really rare to find such great friends, and I feel fortunate to have such friends and could not have asked for better. This reminded me of Tiffany, whom I respect a lot for being so mentally strong, despite her mom passing way when she was at a young age.

Mom, you left this world before I have, but you gave me 8 sisters.

*bows back*

In all, there are many other things that I wanted to do (really learn drumming, travelling around, jamming with the guys, etc.), but I’m already satisfied. You always take things for granted, even to the simplest stuff such as having a house to live in, or to have both of your parents etc. Nearly every year, as I look back, I really feel like I’ve grown a lot and matured. Let’s hope this trend goes on and I can improve on myself and become a better person in the future!

Hoping the year 2012 would be a good one for all! And it’s good to be alive~

P.S. I got my inspiration to write this long, long note from 艾莉絲, whom recently got married. Randomly hopped on her blog and got the inspiration from there haha. Time really flies, 2 years ago I was watching her hosting tian cai chong chong chong and now she’s married >.<

glad she got her perfect wedding haha

 

MAMA and Girl’s Generation Tour 2011

Attend a Korean Award Show ceremony… checked!
Attend a SNSD concert… checked!

Really riding the Hallyu wave this year, given how I blew over $300 attending the above 2 events live. It was really an enjoyable experience, especially after all the stress from the stupid A levels. MAMA was 3 hours before the end of Chemistry MCQ, which made going there even sweeter as it was my first post A level activity. At that point of time, you just wanted As to end and I literally counted down the seconds while looking at the large digital clock in the hall, just waiting for all of it to end.

When me and my sister arrived at the Singapore Indoor Stadium, it took me a while to take it all in: I’m going to watch a Korean awards ceremony and I do not have to study at all. I’m finally free from the grueling Singapore education system. Aside from the predictable winners and occasional miking problem, I would say MAMA exceeded my expectations, given all the special performances each group gave. I nearly died when Tiffany said “Singapore make some noise”, which made me feel proud to be a SONE, especially when my whole section is dominated by ELFs with their blue lightsticks. The person who impressed me the most was CL, and she just burned charisma during her performances. Loved how the crowd erupted when CL appeared for the BEP performance with will.i.am and apple.de.ap (or whatever his name is). It was also nice to see some of the actor/actresses, although I wished some of them do not engage in their small talks. And big props to the stage crew for clearing and setting up the stage time from time, since their efforts are not shown on TV. I made an conclusion after going through MAMA: Fangirls are loud, and fangirls are crazy. I have no idea how I would survive a SUJU or TVXQ concert.

After touching down on Singapore from Taipei on a Friday morning, I went to SNSD concert with Darick, Chin Kiat and Nic Lee. We camped 6 1/2 hours in the queue under the hot sun, only to be at a decent distance in the mosh pit from the stage . Thankfully, thanks to my 182cm tall figure (LOL), I managed to get a good view of the girls. First time camping in the queue, and it was really an ‘experience’ lol… At least next time an SNSD concert is being held in Singapore, I know what to do, other than camp much earlier to get a better place in the mosh pit. (On a side note, army will suck so much if an SNSD concert is held when I’m stuck inside the camp) Moving ahead, seeing SNSD up close was amazing and jaw-dropping, they seriously are 9 goddesses. The most heart-warming thing to see is that the girls looked like they were having fun on stage, and they made the effort to constantly engage with the audience. Never would I have thought that I would get so close to any of the 9 girls, and 3 hours seeing them seem so damn short. They were so damn cute, expressing their love for chili crab, and Sooyoung said the most heartwarming quote during the concert, “SNSD has the best fans in the world”. Will be constantly supporting the 9 girls! Fighting!

It’s been around 3 weeks since the end of As, and post As life isn’t as exciting as I thought it would be, probably because of the lack of things to do. One of my goals was to strengthen my Korean, but lacking the motivation to ‘study’, but hopefully after clearing my room and other ‘to-do’ things, I can settle down and just relax, not thinking about the fucking education I will need to face the last time after NS and hopefully, pull off a miracle and pass my IPPT…

 

The last brick wall

Yes, we’re finally on the last lap. Less than a month to the As, and it seems like there was more than 200 days to the As. Well, reality hits hard, and we are always done in the 12 years of education. Haven’t been posting for a while, and I won’t post here till after my A’s, so I will try to make this worthwhile.

Got back prelims, hit my expectations. Surprisingly, I hit my expectations for every subject, even my Maths haha. Exact results will come on Friday, but I know where I stand. Could have enter the 80 marks range if I did a little better in Chemistry and Econs, but now I know my weak areas, no point thinking about it and go straight for the As. Getting a bit cocky now, since I’m slacking, which is the WORST thing to do. To be honest, I didn’t feel like I put in 110% for the prelims, maybe around 80%, but I improved a lot. Got an A in Geography, which I am super happy about, especially when I thought I flunked. Although I told myself to be more optimistic this year, I always think of the worst for my exams, such as fucking up Maths etc. Turns out, I’m doing much better than expected, so that’s a definite plus. I tell myself that I have come a long way since the CTs last year, so slacking now will just put all the effort I put since then into shame. I think I really improved a lot, from someone who shy away from academics to one doing relatively well now. I mean, I’m someone who got a GPA of 2.8 in Year A, but I still vividly remember a screwed up assembly where your projected score for the As has a high correlation with your GPA. Well, take that, cause I don’t see myself flunking in As. HAHA!

There’s only 1 week left in school, and I’m glad I get to leave the god-forsaken school. To be honest, I think I would have been much better off in another class, but that’s bullshit since people like Jiayu and Boon are still owning in academics. I always wanted to positive environment in school, something like what I see in Yong Sheng’s class, but what I see in my class is the exact opposite. If you have the passion in something, doing it would come natural. Ok, it’s 2 am now, so I may just be ranting. I’m dreading the last week of school, can’t you just give me a week off so that I can study in peace? Other than that, I’ve definitely met an awesome group of people.

Nearing to the end point, I kinda lose a little motivation here and there, but I recently gained 2 new insightful ones. One of them would be Steve Jobs. I reviewed one of his talks in Stanford and the famous quote still sticks in my mind. “Stay Hungry, Stay Foolish”, is something really applicable now. I sort of follow only the hungry part, but that quote teaches a lot of things. If you want something, you gotta do something unconventional. Now that he recently passed away, he definitely left a legacy behind him. I learnt of his death on my iPod Touch, how ironic. The years of work he left behind would be an inspiration to many, and his actions speak for himself. Never give up, and go for your dream. His passion for Apple was simply amazing, and he would be definitely missed.

My second inspiration now is SNSD’s Seohyun (lol?). My bias used to be Taeyeon, but it’s slowly shifting to Seohyun. I’m just awed at how someone could be so upright and disciplined. Actually, I think she would have been better off as a student, since the idol status is probably stopping her from doing a lot of things, such as pursuing her studies. However, she’s clever to use her idol status into good use and I’m so glad that she got to meet her idol UN Secretary General Ban Ki Moon. In the short of 2 weeks of holiday where I spammed SNSD videos, I learnt how mature of a person she is despite her just being 20. Now, I would try to emulate her style (Kinda) and hopefully get into gear in time for the As.

Probably one of the crappy posts all time, but until then, I will continue to study hard, and of course, no regrets.

ok she’s officially my new bias >.<

 

Mind Over Body

Quickly taking the chance to type out something before I run out of ideas :O

End of Week 8, 2 more weeks to GP Prelims, 4 more weeks to Prelims. Time flies REALLY, REALLY fast, and I’m not even 50% prepared. Honestly, I feel myself burning out already even though I didn’t really do much. I really hate school and starting to lose my motivation, a really long study break would be awesome. Hopefully, I can get my drive back because this is seriously the most important 3 months remaining in my 12 years in education. It’s the final lap of the long marathon, just gotta believe that I can do it, and as always, put in the constant effort and make my dreams turn in reality.

Another thing to take note this A’s is not a competition with others, it’s ultimately the battle against you and yourself. I always like to relate back to the classic analogy of brick walls, it’s there to show how badly you want it. There’s no shortcut in overcoming that brick wall, just hard work. I really, really want to own those people right in front of their faces. But of course, the main motivation should be fueled by something more happy instead of anger. I always remind myself not to compare myself and limit my growth. Other than that, I should not care about the results of others. I see myself being bottom 10% of the cohort into jumping into the top 30% of the cohort this year. If I can do amazing things like this, then I really have no idea what my limit is, and all I can do is just push myself, with the exception of burning myself out. Maybe it’s time to hit back at Starbucks and perharps pon a few schooldays :O

The last thing I would want to cover is my slacking, which is really going from bad to worse. One word: FOCUS. Ahhh, shit I’m seriously dropping into the mentality that I cannot study consecutive hours like before due to school and other lousy excuses, but hopefully again I would like to build my groove which I have been losing due to this fucked up thing called school. Lol I seriously hate school and it’s really becoming a waste of time, of course with a few exceptions such as the excellent Mr.Ng and Mr. Chang. It’s again a battle against myself, and really controlling myself from the external events and distractions. Concentrate, relax and also enjoy the ride. I found myself repeating again, and again, and I’m really running out of words haha.

Tried to keep this post short and sweet, other than that, all the best to myself HAHA. Hwaiting!

 

Trying to get it right

Never let failures get to your heart & successes get to your head.

Pretty much sums up my CTs this year. I was really stuck in typing a post-CTs post, but I just want to do a carefree one for the time being. CT results: ACDDE. In short, the ‘A’ in Maths is nothing to be proud of, and hopefully I don’t get defeated by my mediocre results in my other subjects.

So school resumes, and CTs felt like it never happened. Nothing really to be happy about this CTs, and my results can be summarized by the 3 words Mr Ng wrote on my script, “Can be better”. ACDDE is really for me an ugly score, shows how much work I need to do to push up those D and Es. I kinda burnt myself out during the week of the CTs itself, which really killed my chances of getting good results. Honestly, I know that I am much more capable than those fucking results on the paper, but I would only have another chance to prove to myself during the prelims. It’s actually hard to believe that my results exactly 1 year ago is CSSUU. I improved really a lot, but I still have no idea how much more I can push myself to. I always, always tell myself that in the end, all the effort would be worth it, and I just try and give it my all. In the end, it’s more of a competition not against others, but yourself. I really, really grown a lot in terms of maturing a good mindset in my 6 years in DHS. Ok I’m still quite shy (LOL), but in terms of mature thinking, I really improved from one who absolutely despises school to one who understand the process of mugging and one who actually would sit down and do work, something I really done during my past 4 and a half years.

There’s something that I always wanted to talk about: my class. As expected, my class didn’t do really well for CTs. I always compare myself with the class, but now I seriously don’t see anything worthwhile to compare with. You have the aces, like Jiayu who nearly achieved the all-kill straight As, and was 1 grade shy. Meanwhile, you also got those who basically cannot get anything right and don’t bother to try and make things better for themselves. I really see the importance of putting myself in a different “league” with my class, which simply means that I stop comparing myself with my class. It all seems really deja-vu like last year where I separate myself from the class and this scenario is happening all over again. The feeling that you are out there by yourself and the same feeling where it’s you against the world. I’m going to the library by myself, isolating myself (again) from my class, but I can feel the benefits already. And somehow, my gut feeling tells me that I will actually benefit from it. Just need to stick to this belief, and let karma take care of itself.

This brings me to another point: Doing your best. Sounds easy, but again, easier said than done. I see so many people posting on FB and Twitter and how they are going to ‘improve’ themselves for the prelims and put in effort for it. Honestly, I don’t believe 80% of the bullshit. I believe that only 20% of the people will actually really and I mean really put in the effort. Trying your best means really trying your best, 3 words so simple, yet a lot of people I see don’t follow it. If you are already behind, what makes you think that you studying will suddenly make your results better? Trying your best means 100% in everything you do. You already flunked the CTs, which I think you probably told yourself that you would study for it. It becomes that vicious cycle which will ultimately haunt for at your A’s. Yes, I’m ranting, because I seriously can’t take it when people say they would try their best when their attitude is still fucking lousy. Then again, don’t waste time thinking of these kind of people, because it’s just not worth it.

I always think how life would be different if I didn’t push myself for the Promos last year, but that is seriously the change I needed in my 6 years in Dunman High. My below-average grades for Promos didn’t matter, it was the process of me actually doing work, actually putting in effort, and believing in myself that I can do it. Now, I just need to replicate this form for the prelims and ultimately the A’s.

Hopefully, I still can find time to post little amounts of crap here and there for this WordPress. Just re-reading all my posts make me realize how far I have come the past 3 years. It’s no more of a case where everything would be ‘ok’, now I want everything to be bloody awesome!

I’m really going crazy ~.~

 

10,000 views ^^

Congrats to myself hitting the 5 digit mark LOL! Actually this doesn’t really mean anything, but still thanks to all those people out there who view this lousy WordPress (even though one quarter of them are searching for nude pics and stuff =.=). Anyways, I have so much things to post here, but sadly I got fucking CTs next week, but I will make sure that posting here is one of the first things I do after CTs! Already got one in my head for a long time, till then, jiayou to myself .__.